I think they do it on purpose. Just for Kicks, Yeno?

You may have realised by now that sometimes, once every so often, I get a little...peeved at things. If you enjoyed rants of rage then this is your lucky day. If you don't you are seriously in the wrong place. Have the Care Bears write a blog. It would be more up your alley.

Straight to the point. Have you ever had to call your network provider for your mobile? If you haven't, NEVER GET A CONTRACT because then you might want to retrieve your old number. It is the biggest hassle in existence. I had to make 4 phone calls to 2 service providers because the first guy at, well let's call them O3. The guy at O3 gave me the wrong code to do it so I had to call them a second time. The second guy sounded like a broken, talking Ken doll. Every time I read out a section of my mobile number said "Yeah" with the exact same inflection each time.

Now you could be reading that and thinking that that is normal and we all do that when writing down something called out over the phone. But at this point, the guy got it into his head that I was getting pissed off at him. Literally out of no where he said "I'm not trying to have a go at you" This made me want to kill this man. And so when he said "yeah" all those times in that inflection I was annoyed and so got the idea he felt he was winning by hearing the phone number correctly. No, I am not insane and paranoid so get those thoughts out of your head.

It's his fault for choosing that profession where anger is born. It's the kind of job that creates serial killers on both side of the phone line.

For that matter, who the hell chooses to work there. I mean what kind of broken lifeless 6 year old stands up in class and says "I want to be a phone line operator for O3 when I'm older" A 6 year old who was given an abacus and a book on Accounting for his birthday that's who.

However the other network operator was perfectly helpful and made no mistakes whilst explaining the process. After a bit of chat with Dan (oh yeah. He was so helpful, I remembered his name) I hung up with the sickly mixture of regret at having rang in the first place, accomplishment and annoyance at the Ken doll operator.

Moral of the story, If you ever befriend somebody who works as a network service operator, WALK AWAY FROM THEM. Quickly. Because if you need to ring your operator and they pick up, you will hang up hating them. True Story

MILESTONE 2.0

BOOOOOOOM!!!!

That, ladies and gentlemen, was my blog breaking the quadruple digit views barrier. I wish i could say it was shattered but, as I look at it now, it only has 1,001 views. But hey its more than a thousand and I would just like to say thank you to all of you out there who wish to peer into the inner recesses of my mind. You obviously have a mental disorder of your own if you want to go in there.

Hell, thinking about it, I barely want to go in there.

In fact, I'm starting to think the only reason I broke a thousand is due to the fact that it was christmas 2 days ago.

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!

A post on Christmas day? What, has he got nothing better to do?

Now, last post you may or may not have noticed that it was eeeeeever so slightly weighted toward the negative aspects of my tolerance i.e. things that make me insane. And so, as it's Christmas, I'm going to balance that out with a post of the things I love most in this world. If Padraig Conlon is reading this, I know exactly what your mind has jumped to and you should know that if it is voiced I'm going to have to bury you in the snow. Moving on to the actual point of this post.

Now, Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens and brown paper packages tied up with string are all well and good. But sadly they are not a few of my favourite things.

Some of you may know that I am a greedy S.O.B. am slightly enthusiastic about my food. Family members will know that I do not enjoy groups inter-mixing. I'm all for old-fashioned food segregation. Mash potatoes + baked beans = the worst edible catastrophe in existence. Corn and mash potatoes aren't exactly meal time friendly to me either.

Mash Potatoes - Natures minefield.

One of the greatest edible pleasures in existence is the Barbecued Ribs from an American restaurant in Belfast. The ribs look like they've been taken from a giant cow. A giant cow on steroids. A fat Giant cow on steroids. A fat giant cow on steroids that drank BBQ sauce its entire life. A fat giant cow on - well you get the point. Ribs = Goodliness on a platter.

Well, now that I've finished talking about food, I find there's actually very little else to talk about. That either makes me fat or a cynic....or both. Both is more likely.

Books. I'm a bit of a book worm, myself. So much so that I may be addicted to walking into Waterstones and buying anything that looks even vaguely good. One time a new book I wanted came out and so I went in to buy it.

There was a "3 for 2" sale on. I left with 3 books. I'm going broke but it's for a good cause. I used to try and get my little sister Anna to read some of my books because, let's face it, I have amazing taste in books. She read them and gave them back to me...then she realised I was a crazy person. I'm pretty surprised it took her 14/15 years to figure it out. You could call me insane because I'm somewhat protective of my books. The covers can't get creased, you can't bend the corners of pages to mark your page (use a bookmark god-dammit) and you most certainly DO NOT just throw it about. Stupid Anna. Not knowing the rules before I tell her them.

Ahh Sleep. Sleep can shield you from all misfortunes. You don't feel the pain of a broken limb when you are asleep (a pain I have felt awake 3 times...OK so I'm a bit clumsy). If you're hungry before going to sleep you'll wake up without that feeling for about an hour. Without sleep I'm not the lovable guy who spends his time writing down his genius thoughts that you have come to know and love.

But, as this is a "Christmas special" (which it really isn't) I feel obliged to tell you that Christmas trumps all of these things. What's not to like about it? The food, the presents, being with family... OK well the food and the presents anyway. Doctor Who Christmas special is on today which I WILL NOT MISS, turkey is cooked to perfection today, multitudes of cans of coke are bought for this day and, above all, I get super colourful socks today.

So screw modules, screw school, screw stress for at least one day. Imma sit my ass down, watch some Doctor Who, eat until I burst and spend all day tomorrow in my new Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles PJ's that I got. I didn't ask for them but I am sooo not complaining.

Merry Christmas
Happy Kwanzaa (Starting tomorrow anyway)
And have a great 2011. I'd be surprised if 60% of you actually remember the event after all the drink I'm certain you will consume.

But, yeno, it's as good a start as any. And let's hope this stupid snows melts and goes straight to hell (or underworld of your choosing)

Grumpy Old Men - Lone Teen Edition

So tonight, I'm a little bored. All the TVs are being used, the book I'm reading at the mo isn't very enticing and I have next to no money on my phone. And so I'm going to entertain all three of you who read this. And how am I going to do that? By doing what I do best...Complaining about things that I don't like.

Number one (but not necessarily top) on that list is Fred. One of the most subscribed YouTubers, Fred has now got his own movie....what has the world come to? I mean when I talk complete crap in a high pitched, Elmo-esque voice people call me weird, they don't give me movie deals and the chance to call Pixie Lott my girl-friend. Life's not that good.

Next is something I am well versed in complaining about. It's friggen rave/beat/dance/techno music (if you can call it that) that they play in clubs and bars. I have a theory about the creation of this crap. One day a young songwriter came to his/her manager and gave him his/her CD. The manager then gave it to the DJ to mess with the vocals and the like. But the DJ, well he was an idiot. Doped up to his eyes and downing shots of whiskey like it was water he just put in the CD and thrashed every button on his head. The manager, equally stocious thought

Oh that has a recognisable beat, we're sweet

And thus the brain tumour of the music industry was born, nay, spawned and the world got a little more stupid

THE DISNEY CHANNEL!!!!! My god whatever idiot that writes the script for 98% of those shows needs to be shot. Really. In the face. Whilst a cat shreds their private area. After having a Chinese burn administered (the gravest of all pains). Then again I do enjoy Phineas and Ferb. Faaaaar too much. So much so that I know the words to the title sequence and sing-a-long to the Perry the Platypus song.....and I maaaaay have considered downloading one of the songs they sing each episode.

The Snow. Oh how I loathe it. Its a wet, slushy, dirty, weapon. It causes the whole of the western European world to grind to a halt, flights grounded, trains breaking down and yet somehow, SOMEHOW my sister still managed to get home. Orla, my sister who goes to school in Glasgow returns home at any excuse. Well she's home for Christmas now and within 15 minutes of her return, the floor in the back room almost gets set on fire. You read that right. OK so, she had nothing to do with it and it was technically my dads doing but still.
I'm pretty sure she thinks of me as some sort of Ken doll because she keeps trying to dress me in new clothes she sees in random shops. So to sum up, snow has brought this torture upon me. I don't think I will ever recover.

This list has gone on for long enough so I'm going to leave you with the last one on the list (for now) and that is people from Ballymena below 30. As a general law they are arrogant, extremely chavvy, rude and they think they are the greatest thing since the bacon sandwich. Which they aren't because, let's face it, what's better than a bacon sandwich. In the words of Russell Howard

It is essentially two slices of bread giving a dead pig a hug.

And they just- Yeno what, yeno what I'm just going to stop because I would rant and rave about them forever.

So I'll just leave you with a road enraged cat. Enjoy

This list of crap has got to go!

For a while I had a list of things that amused me and I had intended to put them in the blog. But due to those posts being shit and no fun in my eyes, I have decided to do one last mentions parade using it. These people (kind of) all deserve to be on this list. It has nothing to do with their begging me. So without further ado (what does that word even mean?) here they are.

Starting this evening in chronological (captain dictionary right here) order we have Alix Scullion sporting a near car accident. Having recently passed her driving test, Alix decided to drive her little sister and a friend around town. I had been in town as well and as I was walking home, I passed the Tower centre car park and spotted her driving. Needless to say, this dangerous sight stopped me in my tracks. Alix beaming like a maniac waved and all I could say was "DANGEROUS". She said something rude to me and I walked on. As it turned out she hadn't paid for a ticket and caused a traffic jam inside the car park and had to have her sister run out and pay. I'm not entirely sure, but I think she told me NOT to put this in....whoops

Moving onto acts of dopiness, we have Aideen Brogan with her misguided idea that Milan was in Spain. Aideen does A-level geography. I don't think I need to say anything more. You guys fill in the blanks.
For those of you who don't know (shame) Milan is in Italy and is the capital of the region Lombardy. Wikipedia Win!

The play was filled with acts of stupidity left, right and centre but the best was when Niall Lynch was given a microphone for the play. After his scene, on an actual performance night, he came back stage to where we were all sitting/ lying down on the scenery lift. I was lying down and he told me to shift which I did. As I moved he said

Jimmy Fitzy, you've a sweet ass

This was heard, however quietly, over the speakers by the director of the play who went crazy at him. The hilarity of the situation was hilarious.

Next on the list is Michael O'Mullan. Now, Michael is, in general, is conscientious about his hair. But this really took the cake. I walked up to the changing rooms during the play to find Michael doing the other Russian soldiers hair. We called them the SS meaning the soldiers salon. I was quite proud of the name. The pride was smothered by my frustration as 6 of them held me down as Michael attempted to do my hair. He may have got the gel in, but it wasn't my sexuality that was brought into question.

This one has to be the strangest. Whilst in the play, I met someone called Rachel Davis who kept telling me to

Get out your chest

It wasn't appropriate, apparently, for me to say the same to her. I'm sensing a bit of a double standard.
There was a reason for her to say this but I'm not going to share it with the Internet. Mainly because, well, that's just creepy

Finally we come to the people who wanted in the blog and tried to make up reasons as to why they should be in.

Katherine Neeson was in the changing rooms during one of the breaks between scenes and she told us she was hungry. She came up with the idea that they could throw a rope with a hook out the window and order a Chinese. She figured that the delivery guy could hook the food bag and we hoist it up. Whether or not we would throw down money is debatable

This person is unique in that there is nothing to write about them. Aoidin Rafferty wanted to be in the blog quite a lot at the time. I asked her to come up with a suitable excuse. Her lack of awesomeness has led to her earning a spot in our prestigious (aye right) ranks.

Louis Sisk earned a place of infamy here after he tried to steal my coke during the break one rehearsal day. There I was, just minding my own business when -boom- a hand sneaks out and makes a grab for the can in my hand. Needless to say, I wouldn't let go even though I would be the only one that would stand to lose something in this confrontation if it spilled. But I won in the end. Now I know what you're thinking (actually i don't but this needs to be cleared up)

James, why don't you just share your coke. It's the right thing to do

Screw that. That coke was mine! In the words or Joey Tribbiani "JAMES DOESN'T SHARE FOOD"
A few weeks later, he asked me to buy him a drink at a pub quiz. Nice try mate. I'm on to you.


Well that's me. I'm done. That stupid list is crumpled and in the bin. Now you can enjoy unplanned blog posts....I'm sorry

Oh my god. He's talking about real life events?

So Nick Clegg (one of maybe three many, many existing politicians I could name) said before he was...elected or something (I don't really follow politics) was that he wasn't going to raise tuition fees if he was...elected or something.
Now that he is in place as Deputy Prime Minister (AKA David Cameron's bitch errand boy) he has passed the bill or whatever it is for higher tuition fees

SOMEbody doesn't want re-elected. As usual the first people to bitch about this are the facebookers. Already I've seen 3 or 4 groups asking, is slightly more colourful terms, for Clegg's head on a stick.

As a tight-fisted so and so, I can see why people are annoyed. With the cap on fees raised to £9,000 it now rivals the American college fees which have been around $18,000 for a while now and people are going to have to start saving from the cradle. And I understand why people have reacted so strongly.
It is a lot of money.

However there is a good reason for him doing this. I'm certain he didn't roll out of bed pull out a book entitled "Piss off your country in one easy step - for idiots", stroke his evil moustache and laugh maniacally. Now to be fair, I don't actually know what the reasoning is, mainly because I don't have the patience to sit down and watch middle-aged men argue whilst their wives sit behind them bored as all get out, hoping for the day the public drives their husband from their city so she doesn't have to watch him talk anymore

Although I could probably make some up.

1. Obvious one being, we're are in a recession (although statistically speaking we pulled out of it just barely)
2. Raccoon bandits made him do it
3. Universities needed better quality stuff
4. Better quality education
5. Evil ninjas made him do it

But the government isn't evil. They have a duty to do what they think is best for us, so they have to have a maternal attitude toward us.

Of course where's the fun in acceptance.

Lynch the idiot!

Meeting somebody for the first time. What the hell do you do?

So a week or two ago I went to the continental market in Belfast (which is amazing by the way. You have to go and try the dutch pancakes. And i don't want any of you going "eww market food? how unhygienic" Shut up and enjoy those glorious pancakes) and I met somebody there I knew. Well I say met, she snuck up behind me and said "It's James!"

Emily King and this guy she was with, I think his name was Sam, walked up to me and we had a wee chat and then parted ways. That's not the bit that bugged me. When Emily introduced me to Sam I shook his hand.

This is not something I am in the habit of doing. It's a very grown up thing to do. I'm not very grown up at all. Not even a little. And that little act of maturity has plagued my thoughts ever since. But what am I supposed to do otherwise. I'm a hugger kind of guy but you can't hug random strangers. I've tried. They scream. Usually the word rape. They yell, the police come, I explain, we laugh, they give me an criminal record, it's all good. So yeah it'd be weird if I hugged someone I hadn't met before.

However it makes the situation awkward if all you do is say "Hi" and wave when he's standing 4 and a half feet away (oh yes, I measured. Just kidding. If you believed that then you're weird). And so I went for a handshake.



It was also awkward. As I'm not in the habit of hand-shaking, I didn't know how hard to squeeze. Too tight and I'd seem like an ass, but too softly and it'd be creepy.  Plus there was the whole do we shake up-and-down like in the cartoons or do we just grasp hands for a millisecond then part.

Oh the complexities that rule my life

Only occured to me last night.

There is no embarrassment greater than having a person tell people about your blog over a microphone at a quiz. It doesn't matter that I knew 85% of the people there personally. The point still stands. Catherine O'Callaghan  the so-called quiz master of the pub quiz I attended last night for "Friends for Romania"
That's the second charity thing I've went to. I bet I sound like a saint, right? Always remember how saintly I am right now when you see me refusing to give a friend 30p for a drink because there is a jug of free water not 20 steps away. Now I know what you're thinking

James, how could you refuse a friend such a small amount of money.

Well the answer is simple. They say friends are priceless. That therefore means you cannot exchange them for currency and are, as a result, worthless. 30p versus worthless people?

Wow I go way of track sometimes, don't I?

Anyway. The pub quiz was really good fun. And what's more, we came second. I had a bet with my friend, Caoimhe mcManus that I would do better in the quiz than her. Frustratingly, we drew second. Well played, Karma. It was pretty surprising seeing as she thought the swiss guard guarded swiss cheese (pretend you knew the real answer to that. I'll save you the brain power and tell you they guard the Pope)

First place went to Kristian Donnely's team. He won four or five advent calenders for his team which were promptly devoured by the neighbouring teams, one of which being Caoimhe's team. Totally unfair! And all I got was a bottle of wine. I don't even drink!

Ah well. Shit happens I suppose. And if that was all, I can count myself lucky. Speaking of luck my pizza has arrived. Dominos is the greatest pizza ever. Anybody who claims otherwise had 6 toes per foot

Harry Potter - Is the hype deserved?

In a word - No. It isn't
However I have to concede that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 was a success in the cinema. Keeping well to the book (for the most part) leaving out things that only the hardened HP fans will notice. Things like a change in dialogue, however slight, were pointed out by my friend David O'Neil. Now to be fair I did my share of pointing out flaws

Example. What is stopping Voldemort from killing Harry? Harry's wand/magical connection the two share. A decent plot device to be sure. But what is preventing Voldemort from, say, running over him in a car, lifting him up in the air using a broomstick and dropping him from a great height or even shooting the angsty magical teen right in the face? (OK I'll give you, the gun thing, probably wouldn't work. They would probably walk around with a magical shield or something) Does Voldemort go through any of these simple methods and think "that could work" to himself? No. He does not.

Instead, he decides that he is going to search for a magical (more so than the others) wand from a wizarding child's fairy tale. This wand was supposedly carved by Death himself. Now as Harry Potter is a fantasy book, this is perfectly acceptable. However, Voldemort's thought process, is not.

But moving on from Voldemort's lack of logic or basic strategy and moving on to the man himself. The protagonist who, with no hint of a joke, seriously should have gone to specsavers. Harry finds, after a series of events, a legendary sword capable of destroying bits of Voldemort's soul. It has some how wound up at the bottom of a pond that has frozen over and so Harry decides the best course of action is to strip down and face probable pneumonia and possible hypothermia by diving in to get it.

Now seeing as the main tool he has at his disposal is magic, you would think he would use the wand to heat up the water or at the very least melt the ice so he doesn't get trapped underneath. But what happens? The necklace decides to try to kill him and drags him both away from the sword and away from the single hole he made in the ice....Nice move there Harry.

But still. Good movie. The book was better, but that's almost always the case. Anyway. Best characters have to be Dobby, Ron and George. Dobby because of the quote

Dobby wasn't trying to kill. Only maim, or seriously injure.

Dobby you were awesome. George for watching Ginny and Harry kissing in the kitchen with something in his ear and just saying "Good morning" And Ron, simply for being funny without trying to much, and for being the favourite out of the trio.

So the film leaves you sad, because of the ending, which I won't spoil, but excited for the next (and final) installment. Now as a person who doesn't enjoy Harry Potter, books or movies, as much as everyone else seems too, trust me when I say, This film is worth seeing. The dialogue wasn't as cheesy as it's been, (e.g "we have something Voldemort doesn't...something worth fighting for") the effects were pretty good, the story was good and it was comical at times.

It also left me with an insatiable desire to read the books again. Only problem is my sister Orla has taken then ALL to Glasgow with her. Damn her!

It's that time of the year again

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow

Just kidding. If the snow was a person I would punch it for being so cold. Although, if it was a person I'm sure I could reason with it. Of course if it were a person and I could reason with it, I would ask it a series of questions. I would find the cosmological stance on Pirates vs Ninjas (Ninjas FTW). I would ask it if it got bored sometimes and is that why it decides to snow in march and keep a comedian I wanted to go see in a different country so I have to wait a year to go see him. Then I would punch the snow. Then I would ask does it feel pressured by the songs written about it eg Let it snow, Winter wonderland and finally whether it likes having Jon Snow have the same name as it. I mean that would link the snow with the whole Poppy argument.

For those of you who don't know, Jon Snow is a News presenter for channel 4 and when it comes around to the time where all the people on the primary terrestrial TV channels (BBC, ITV, Channel 4, FIVE) all wear Poppies in commemoration of the Soldiers killed in action, initially in the First World War but now it goes for all the soldiers killed in all wars. Anyway, Jon Snow refuses to wear these Poppies. This may sound pretty negative of him but he is preserving his right to not wear it. Many of the High-Ups on those channels tell their employees to wear the Poppies but Jon Snow refuses to let them force him. In that respect he's right. He shouldn't be forced to wear them. However I don't see any reason not to wear them. They aren't hurting anyone and I like the idea of all the people who risked their lives for a caused they believed in with everything they had. So I respect Jon Snow for not bowing to conformity. But I don't agree with him.

Anyway back to the initial point of this post. It was about my dislike of snow and what I would do if it were a person. Of course if it were a person it wouldn't be snow and we wouldn't be having this discussion. We would probably be talking about.....cheese...or how much I want a cup of tea right now

*rushes off to make a cup of tea*
...
.....
.......
.........
aaaaaaAAAAnd im back.
Friggen snow. Forcing me to wear two pairs of socks everyday. Do you have any idea how badly I am entering a sock shortage. It's awful! Everything gets wet and the roads are dangerous. Hell the school is dangerous. Projectiles of icy white death flying through the air at speeds I don't care to estimate, people falling down, koala bears mugging pensioners. Snow is evil.

However there are some fun things that come from snow. Michael Goldring, Jordan Duffy, Ben Johnston and Padraig Conlon had stayed after school to do work. And after a bit we just went outside to the hill where they had stashed Caution Wet Floor signs in the trees and they started sliding down the hill on them. I caught a lot of it on video.

And so something I enjoyed came out of snow. Of course a wee day off school because of the snow  wouldn't go unenjoyed. I went down that hill one time and I wound up soaked with a wedgie....

They say you gotta love the snow.

Do you?

Do you really?

Post before post before last...Part 2?

Here it is. It's late and shit but its here and I'm done with it

OK so i suppose i should amend that last post' ending. I don't hate kids. Well that is to say, i don't hate all kids. Just those ones that make me want to gouge out their eyes. Like this one kid in the play. We'll call him Ricky Gervais because, well, he looks like Ricky Gervais. Except fatter...and more annoying...and obnoxious...and- well i could go on. But for times sake i won't. For now at least. 
Douchebag's only in 3rd year and he thinks he's the man. Arrogant beyond what i thought the human mind could achieve. There's a song we have about a friend of mine, Ryan McFadden, that goes:

The Hooch, The Hooch, The Hooch is on Fire!

We call him the Hooch because, as those of you who have watched Scrubs will know, Hooch is crazy. Ricky- ah to hell with it- Luke O'Rawe constantly sang that over and over again. He killed it. I yelled at him, he acted the hard lad which was about as convincing as an elephant in a dog suit. And he did this thing where he would walk up to people and think he was immediately part of their conversation. Idiot.

Anyway, I promised some people in the real world that i would do a happy/positive take on the events of weeks past. So here we go. Don't blame me if it isn't so much positive as neutral. I'm sleepy and, as I've said before, if I'm sleepy i am not happy.

So even though it was a while ago there are still a few things that stick out in my mind about rehearsals last week. We stayed in from 9 till 9 and we ordered pizza from domino's (The joys of having a friend who works there with a 50% discount) and whilst i was eating Padraig Conlon pointed out to me that, after two slices had been eaten, i was now devouring a pizza tribute to pacman
PHOTO TIME!!!

It looks like he's crying pineapple. Rest assured no pacmen were injured in the consumption of that meal...but I'm sure they would be delicious. Tastier than i thought a video game character would be. I wonder how Donkey Kong tastes

Moving on from eating illegal/fictitious meat. Although still in the line of fictitious animals, we discovered the Awkward Animal Kingdom. Okay, so, i say "discovered" but in reality i mean " made animal shapes and claimed they alleviated awkwardness. Which is ridiculous. You ever tried standing in a room with a moose and making a joke about its nose or antlers? Awkwaaaaard.
Most of you will have encountered Awkward Turtle and maybe Awkward Squid. But we came up with Awkward Giraffe, Awkward Moose and my personal favourite (even though it isn't an animal) Awkward Rock. Turns out there's a group for awkward rock on Facebook. Obviously i joined....not much more to that story is there.

Mr Laverty, one of the teachers who organised the play, made -wait for it...



... a Your Ma joke!!! Weirdest experience in the world, I'll tell you that much.
Nothing could trump a teacher making a mother joke, right? Right? WRONG. We've been practising for the play in the braid arts centre and there's a little cafe there that we spend our lunch time at. You often see typo's on some shops merchandise, maybe the slipped finger hitting the key next to the intended on their good old QWERTY. But i bet you haven't seen this slip before:
Photo Time 2: Revenge of the pixels



 Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, The Steamed MILF.
I shit you not, that was real. And printed/laminated for the world (well okay the town) to see. Credit goes to Michael Goldring for noticing this first and pointing it out to me.

What i wonder is....how? I mean in this description of a Cafe Mocha how did they manage to hit "F" instead of "K". Okay so i suppose they look a little similar but they are one like opposite ends of the keyboard. I'm going to have to label that one. But is it a Typing fail or a Win? Only you decide...I'm just kidding. You have no say in the matter. TYPING FAIL!!

I'm stalling for time :D

OK so it's been pointed out to me that it's been a while since i posted something. Especially since the last post was a friggen interlude that literally meant nothing. I came up with that in thirty seconds. It was a fun bitta word play i won't deny it. Anyways, as a way of showing that, yes i am still alive, no i haven't given up on the blog and no my time is not being taken up due to my finding psychiatric help which i most certainly do not need. The voices tell me i don't and they are ALWAYS right. I'm serious. They told me the entire plot to Avatar before i saw it...Then again that could have been Pocahontas, seeing as they basically have the same plot. Only difference was Pocahontas was animated and sang a lot. I think there was a raccoon as well.

I think what's taking me so long is that I'm working off a list of things I've taken over the past 2 weeks whereas this post was down in the breaks between watching Misfits on channel four's YouTube channel. Brilliant show by the way. Although incredibly Not Safe For Kids.

Oh and there has been one person who begged me to put them in a post even though they were already going to be in one briefly coming up. So here's your mention

CATHERINE O'CALLAGHAN!!!!!!!
Happy?

Anyway. I'll try my best to get it done within the next week. But with all the work I've missed, it could be longer. I'll keep you posted

-James, out...Dear God that was gay

Interlude...of sorts.

I always expect the unexpected.
of course then the unexpected becomes the expected and therefore i do not expect it because it is the expected.
However the expected, by name, is expected and therefore i expect it. This, i conclude makes the expected simultaneously unexpected
Remember what i said about saying a word so many times it doesn't sound right anymore?

PRIME EXAMPLE

Since i started this blog, crazier shit has happened Part 1

Phew it has been an insanely busy week. I say insanely busy but i mean I've sat in a hall for most of it "rehearsing" and trying to catch up on work I've missed. And children there is a lot to catch up on. Blog related things not school work. Why would i want to talk about schoolwork on my blog. This is a happy place of....happiness and...joy? Anyways. I think I'll start off with the play. Namely, the woman running the play. My god. That woman must think she is a dictator and we are her teensy weensy country. Every persons schedule must revolve around her.

What's that? Can't stay in? Nonsense. What do you mean you contracted a disease that dissolves your innards? I have a show to direct! The school can facilitate an IV drip and we will just have to wake you when you must dance. In fact, how long have you until you die? A week? Splendid. The show will be over by then.

That got a bit carried away but she makes me so mad! I tried to tell her today that i was going to go to class instead of rehearsals and she asked me was i coming back later. I said no, there was an argument, i yelled, she lowered her voice in a way she thought was threatening (which it isn't, it just frustrated me) and then she reported me to my year head. Ahh sweet Justice.

But I'll get back to the play in a minute. As i said, this has been a crazy week and i have manys of manys to say (screw you grammar)

Let's start Monday. As some of you know (i say some i mean two or three...tops) i was involved in my school's debating society and my ...match? was on Monday. We were against this school called Inst (couldn't tell you the full name) in Belfast. They train for this from, like, first year and i wasn't even aware we had a debating team until about a month and a half ago so needless to say, we were trounced. Lol. that word. Hmm. Should i say "Lol" in a blog? it seems out of place. That settles it. In my domain there shall be no text slang. However if there are missing capital letters, assume i did that on purpose.

But i digress. They beat us 80 points to 66 (don't even ask me how you score points in a debate, because i don't have a clue. I assume it is either like an English paper or for every time you make the examiner think of a dinosaur munching on a toaster, you gain 20 points.) which is quite a large gap. I mean the other half of my team beat their Dungannon counter-parts by 2 points and we wee told  that was a big gap.....failure is abundant as you can see. My other team scored 61 to their 59. So clearly not only were we better, but our opponents were monumentally harder so that makes everything OK...right?

But these guys at Inst, they were the most ridiculous people ever. Their first speaker was the single most pompous dude in the entirety of human civilisation. And he kept referring to me and my team mate Eoin O'Neill "esteemed opposition" or "honourable opposition"

Dude you don't even know me. There is nothing esteemed about me. For all you know, I eat babies with a side of puppies, how's that for esteemed? And what's more i could totally tell he was putting on all the fancy elongated language. Want to know how? The dumb-ass had atrocious grammar and he was using all those fancy words in the wrong places. For one thing he said

The big society is just one of a myriad of excuses

Now this may be because I'm a bit (a bit? a lot) of a nerd. Especially when it comes to grammar, spelling, books or general life. Anyways he used myriad wrong....fun story right?

Anyways whilst we were in Belfast, I saw some pretty strange people. The first one i saw was a man walking down the street in a full on suit. Maybe he was a business man, maybe he was going to a wedding, maybe he just liked to wear suits. Not much strange about that right? WRONG. He had a Mohawk!! A full on, foot long, solid MOHAWK. Took every shred of self control I had to hold in the laughter until he passed us. I had to rely on my other team mate Mary Laverty to get me across the road because i was laughing so hard I couldn't walk. Almost immediately after, there was a ginger woman who walked pass us. She had, like a bajillion piercings in her face and weird hair. Not Mohawk weird of course but still. I mean really her hair was grey with like a streak of bright bright orange.

Skip ahead to the ridiculous regime of Mrs can't say her name because some one might actually tell her about this blog and she might read it even though my code isn't exactly unbreakable but we'll call it plausible deniability. Bit of a mouthful don't ya think? (Don't say that's what she said, don't say that's what she said, don't say that's what she said. Goddammit. I said it out loud) Let's abbreviate shall we? So Mrs CSHNBSOMATHATBASMRIETMCIEUBWCIPD and her insane regime.

Throughout the week we had to stay in for rehearsals from 9 in the morning until 9 in the evening. I know! Ridiculous. Anyway most of the weird shit happens during play hours. I think it's mainly because we get so tired we become delirious and we do the weirdest of things. Anyways the only play thing that didn't come from delirium was a scene in the play that i am in. I have 1 line. 7 words really. It's integral to the plot of the show i swear. Anyways it is easily my favourite scene, not only because i speak in it, but because a few friends of mine come in playing russian soldiers. Then my friends procede to beat me up. Wonderful friends i have. To be fair only one of them beat me up. Ryan mcFadden tries to find out if pillows feel pain, John Cassidy beats up one guy, i think. And finally my attacker Michael O'Mullan. He takes out the guy sitting next to me first (in slow mo, no less) and then knocks me over a chair. It takes a lot of skill to fall in slow motion I'll tell you that. Then the stupid-ass annoying juniors from behind me step over my body and try to take on Michael. My three minions are taken out pretty quickly. Then they have to lie down next to me. It's awful. They are literally more annoying than Jedward and Gok Wan combined. Fun scene though. Even though one of the bastards kicked me in the face when he was running around in the strobe light being an idiot. I hate children

Sorry steven + a little update

Would like to issue a formal apology to Steven mc Toal  as i grossly misspelled his name. I sincerely hope I've spelled it right now or this would be pretty embarrassing.

Real quick now guys, i WILL be posting a big post again soon. But probably not until the weekend because this ridiculous play has me worn thin. Rehearsals from nine in the morning until night in the evening. That is a joke. Moreover, the teacher running it is a psychopath. One more time, SHE IS A PSYCHOPATH.

The upcoming post will feature my recent excursion to Belfast for the debate competition, antics at the play and anything else interesting, weird or hilarious that comes to me.

I've been James Fitzsimons and I've been working on my Outro ideas. (I won't use it this time because i like this one for now)


*UPDATE 18/11/10* I have been informed that i misspelled Stephens name in the apology post. Sorry man. so here we go. 3rd times to charm Stephen mc Toal. Boy would my face be red if that's wrong again.

Sleepy time is happy time. Much like dinner time is also happy time

Any one of you who knows me well enough will understand that i am not a serious guy in any sense of the word. I am also not mature even though i have several arguments regularly about this with a friend. But that's only because she calls an umbrella an "umbradoodle"
Tell me that I'm less mature than her now.

Anyway, the fact that i am not good at staying up late became know to the world outside my family during the summer of '09, during a school trip to France. Best craic i had ever had. Still up there in the top five. The hotel we were staying in could fit 5 to a room which was perfect because there was myself, Michael Goldring, Ryan Kennedy, Christopher Logan and Emmett Neeson who are all close friends of mine. In the room there was the main room there was a double bed and a single bed occupied by Ryan, Chris and Michael. Ryan and Chris shared the double. I won't go into details but things happened between them and the cleaners had to bring the bleach and burn the sheets.

Then, in the same room, there was a conjoining room, much smaller than the main sleeping area, which held bunk beds. Emmett and I slept in those. He got top bunk. The idiot called it too fast for me to realise.
And so the first night in a foreign country with my friends began and, for a few hours in the night, it was fun. We messed about, watched TV (mostly in French but we found Family Guy in English) and watched as Ryan the inhibition-less terror chucked the teabags and the milk cartons out the window...Prat. They didn't replace them *Sad Face*

Anyway around midnight i went to bed because we had to be up around 8 for breakfast. Midnight was too late as it was if you ask me. But you guys know me (or not as the case may be) always the party animal. The other 3 were up for another 4 hours! 4 hours! That's just ridiculous. And they were loud!! And I'm a light sleeper. I won't go into detail but it took extraordinary self-restraint not to punch one of them right in the face. And I'm told it was the only time they have ever been scared of me...let that be a lesson to them.

Anyway the point of this is all to with my sister,Orla returning from Glasgow for the weekend. Now she has her moments where she doesn't do something idiotically annoying, few and far between as they are. She went out last night with my other older sister,Eimhear.
Orla somehow, inexplicably as of yet, lost Eimhear and so she thought she would text me at a quarter to four in the morning asking me to get up and check was Eimhear in the house with me. So dutifully, I checked her room and texted back no. She texted me again asking was she downstairs. This was I promptly ignored. The she rang me....God I hate her. She rang me asking me to come downstairs and open the door for her because somebody had put on the big lock. Only semi-concsious I opened it, glared at her and went back to bed before i said something mean and or refused her entry into the house.

And she wonders why i don't act more excited when she comes home.

Romania gig. AMAZING craic

Now I'm not much one for going out but last night was immense. And it got me over my writers block. No more talking about emotional scarring for me. No sir. Lots to write about and lots of people to mention. So let's get started.
First and foremost is Cathal O'Hagan. Mentioned in a previous post, Cathal's making quite a name for himself here on the blog. Cathal showed me (and maybe created, I'm not sure) the rockabunny. My friend Michael and I were making our way to the dance floor when he stopped dancing and did the "rock on" symbol with his hand. He then started wagging the extended fingers up and down and he said

Look. It's like rock on only a bunny

Greatest. Invention. EVER.

Next is Peter Shannon. Sorry i didn't mention you before Pete seeing as your a huge impact on my life (try not to hear that as sarcastic, it makes it seem mean). Well now you made it simply for your amazing dance moves. After chastising me about not putting him in the blog, he stormed off to the dance floor and busted a move all over the place. I was not aware the male body could move their hips in quite a fashion. You are a testament to human dancing and Diversity can eat their heart out

Christopher Logan is also starting to make himself a name here and if he keeps going he could in fact get that segment he's been looking for. Halfway through the night, we were quite close to the "stage" and we could see the some of the bands smaller instruments. For example there was a tambourine. Chris spent a few minutes raving with a tambourine. Awesome.

The two guys Catherine O'Callaghan was with when i met her at the start of the night. These guys were pretty cool. Immediately started chatting and having the laugh and then we parted to not see each other again....or so i thought. Walking into the toilets at one point i found the two of them with another mate of theirs who was, shall we say, ever so slightly inebriated. Nothing to be ashamed of as that description matches 75-80% of the people there. But he said, in these exact words

Right i can't work this belt. Your going to have to do it for me, man

And one of the guys from the start of the night and I just looked at each other and i said

This could easily be the introduction to a gay porn film

The other non-drunk guy whipped out his phone and began to film whilst saying

Black-mail for the next 6 months

Ah, cracker

Meabh Harper (sorry about possibly butchering the spelling) came up to me and told me i need to smile more. This completely threw me. I mean i think of myself as a cheery smiley dude unless there's something heavy weighing on my mind. i was having a lethal time and had spent the night grinning like an idiot. She also asked a friend of mine to agree with her that my eyes were a weird colour. Good weird she told me. I think I'm flattered, but I'm not sure.

The guy that was with Kirstie Crawford tried to do the elaborate bump fist handshake thing that i completely mucked up. But when i got to the end he told me that i had "the funk"....i think he might have been drinking. He was pretty awesome.

Jamie Higgins lifting me in the middle of the dance floor. For funsies i assume. And then he held me upside down for a bit. This led to me almost starting a dog pile in the middle of the floor.

And this leads me to Myself. I'm not a drinker. Not even vaguely. I believe that all alcoholic drinks would taste better with out the alcohol in them. Fact. I did however partake in beverages loaded with sugar. This was so much fun, i can't even tell you. I don't dance yet i was attempting to busting moves all over the place. It got messy. Never liked dancing before. Granted my "dancing was just flailing in a douchy fashion but still. I spent 10 minutes trying to touch the roof with my head. Using Jamie and Shane Mallon as spring boards. I got pretty close as well. Maybe a foot away.

Things are a hell of a lot funnier when you have a sugar rush. Catherine Corrigan informed me that she went as an oompa loompa for Halloween and showed me a picture. I was very close to urinating with laughter. And because all the shouting had wrecked my throat, my laughter sound insane. Even to me. And that's saying something. It takes a lot to make me realise I'm being weird. The sentence is either weirdly weird or the person I'm talking to isn't used to my sense of humour. I think it's a testament to my childhood that I'm able to laugh that much at a friend dressing up as an Oompa Loompa.

There is only one conclusion. I MUST BE AWESOME!!!!

Moving swiftly on, Another thing I did was say the word fantastic more times than i could count. Surprisingly though it didn't sound any less like a word. Unlike bubblegum. Try saying that thirty times and then see if it still sounds like something you would use in a sentence.

And that concludes what was essentially one massive shout out to Geezus knows how many people.

I've been James Fitzsimons and I think I should come up with an Outro. Post ideas in the comments maybe?

Rambling's of the clinically Deranged

Well this has certainly gotten harder. Friggen blog taking up all of my time. I say all, this is like the first time I've posted in what a week? It's not my fault i swear. I've got lots of work to be doing and it's hard coming up with this crap on a regular basis. But now I'm ....plum? out of ideas as to what to say. Oh look I'm writing something. Wonder if it's any good. Oh well I'm not stopping now. I suppose i should actually pick something that has happened recently to talk about. Or i could ramble. Yeah rambling's fun. I'm not very good at it though. In person i mean. On the computer I'm as good as any hardened rambler. For all you know i took a ten minute break after each sentence. Anyways back to business. What can i talk about? Oh i know!

       Gyms are the creepiest places EVER
I was at the gym earlier today after school. Yes i go to the gym now, so stop all those incredulous expressions on your face and thoughts in your head. Anyways. I walked into the changing room and these two guys were chatting away to each other. Nothing strange about that right? WRONG. They were completely naked. One of them had his leg up on the bench. I wasn't looking at them directly because that's even more creepy. I saw them out of the corner of my eye. And you know that stereotype about gyms being for steroid munchers? Apparently that's not true at all. Everyone there was either fat or really old. I've been told before that I'm like a grumpy old man so i think I'll stick myself in that category thank you very much
So to summarise. Old naked guys in gym changing room. I am scarred for life i swear.

Well that's relatively short for emotional scarring. What else can i talk about? I suppose i could mention people who threatened persuaded me to add them into the blog. So here you are.

First off there's Christopher Logan. Chris if your reading this, which let's face it your probably not, i have yet to see you do anything awesome to earn you your own segment. It would be entitled Logan's Daily Awesomes but so far I've nothing to say about you. Oh and p.s. don't be so proud that you guys beat the townies ONCE out of a possible FOUR times.

Phelim Killough and Cathal O'Hagan (sorry about the spelling) were sitting at the back of the hall during rehearsals for the school play discussing how to tell what a day felt like. Cathal says something along the lines of

How do you even tell what a day feels like (wets his finger and holds it up as if to test for wind) Hmm must be a Thursday. It doesn't work like that. (repeats motion) Hmm I must be sad

The Priest AKA Stephen mcToal who tells me to burn in hell every time he sees me. You made it. Although what you're actually contributing i have no idea. I think you just wanted to be mentioned. So there you go.....go read the bible or something Stevie.

Well i think that's it for now. If you want to be in the blog you need to be Awesome/Funny/ Interesting.



P.S. this is the second time i wrote this stupid post. I hit a button and it took me back through my Internet history. It erased everything. God that's annoying

Milestone!!!!

OK not much of a mile stone but still I've made it.
I have passed 100 page views on my blog. I couldn't have done it without you... Mr/miss Malaysian person. Thank you ever so much. Your contribution means more to me that these people that looked at my blog simply because they knew me and I'd posted it on Facebook. I can see now why they put those annoying adverts on the side of facebook.

*gasp* I could make my own advertisement. Oh wait i have. It's called a profile and it's free.

In all honesty thanks to everybody who gave a crap and who followed the links posted in different places or even if you stumbled across this by accident. It means a lot and if i keep this up this thing could be HUGE. I'm on the road to an actual job in journalism. Fantastic :)

Well, unless i forget or couldn't be bothered I'll keep you posted on view updates.

P.S.....DEFINITELY supposed to be doing an English essay right now. So to all of you in school who wondered how often i write this monumental time gobbler, it's whenever workload doesn't= time given. This blog is what i like to call the dead man's pass time. It's when someone no longer cares if they don't do something or they are in so much trouble they are too lazy to continue the fear and stress. Ergo, Moi. Two languages in the one sentence there. How good am i?

From overwhelming shame, an odd occurence

I recently posted the link to this blog on my facebook page. Thanks to all  of  you who read my posts. I was looking at the stats pages to stroke my ego see how well I was doing page view wise. 29 in a day!! :) This is a record. Granted I've been doing this for like a month tops but still. Anyway on the audience section is shows 40 different people in the UK have visited and 7 in the US. That's fine nothing out of the ordinary. But then I say I had (or have I dunno if you're there) a viewer in Malaysia.

As some of you may or may not know I am easily excited and have the maturity of a 3 year old. But come on. I've a reader on the other side of the world.

As the saying goes:

Gooooo East

Annoying people are annoying

From the title you can probably guess that I do not like annoying people. Maybe that's just me. However they usually put me in a bad mood. For instance, I was at the cinema today and the room was practically empty when we got there. Even when everybody had got there, there were maybe 14 or 15 total. These 2 people came in and decided:

"Hey you know what would be cool?

What's that?

If we sat next to a complete stranger when there are plenty of other empty aisles to choose from.

*gasp* That's brilliant, and I've got an idea as well

What's that?

Lets bring...wait for it....

I'm waiting.

Lets bring our MC DONALD'S WITH US!!

........Sheer unadulterated genius"

I mean seriously. My god. It's a well known feeling that in the cinema, nobody wants to sit next to somebody they don't know. Why must they go and wreck the system. And that wasn't even the worst part. I mean they finished their food pretty quickly so the smell didn't linger. No. The worst part was when the film actually started. One of them quickly revealed that they had never heard tell of the concept of whispering. And she was a questioner. Goddammit I hate questioners. My little sister's one. Remember the one that was part of the gang I talked about a few days ago. The voracious high spirited annoyances. Now I love my sister I really do. But she asks a hell of a lot of questions! And she has an annoying habit of walking in on the tail end of conversations and asked a question that requires me to go through the whole conversation again.

Anyway. The cinema talker people. She wasn't just a talker. When something happened that was kind of funny, the one closest to me (the most annoying is always closest to me. My bloody luck) would wait a few seconds, comment, wait another moment, then laugh.

We went to see Due Date. Not a bad movie but that's not what I'm talking about. There was a part where the main guy got shot in the leg. In her exact words she said:

Did he just get shot in the leg...............hehehehehe.

Now that laugh may read quite sweet and cute. But it wasn't! I can promise you.
I may or may not have mentioned that I can be a bad, cruel mean person. These things are all true. But in person I'm actually very nice and pleasant and very easy to be around. Just ask any of the 3 people that can stand to be around me.

Again I feel I should use the animal comic relief system as this post was just a massive bitching session so here you go:
                

Congratulations Ben and Sinead

Serious short one today.
Just want to offer a quick congrats to Ben and Sinead who as of last night are parents to a beautiful baby girl. I don't think they have chosen a name yet. No news on whether they've asked anybody to be god parents. I'm awaiting my god father request. It should be here any minute. Otherwise I'll just tell people I'm the god father.
Ben has a reputation for being a bit dopey and so it's up to sinead and i speak for everyone when i say we hope yours are the dominant genes

Stereotypes make me laugh when others get in trouble for them

We were sitting in business studies today and we were asked why Ford might advertise at a football match. A guy, we'll call him The Idiot Who Never Stops Talking Even When He Is Just Digging A Huge Cavernous Grave For Himself From Which He Will Never Return. He said that because it was mainly men at football matches and men were usually the breadwinners who buy cars.


If looks could kill Conor The Idiot Who Never Stops Talking Even When He Is Just Digging A Huge Cavernous Grave For Himself From Which He Will Never Return would have spontaneously combusted. And after he said that, he wouldn't stop. It was sheer word vomit. The teacher asked him to stay behind because he had hugely offended her.

Oh Idiot Who Never Stops Talking Even When He Is Just Digging A Huge Cavernous Grave For Himself From Which He Will Never Return, you slay me.


But it got me thinking about other stereotypes. Like all Irish people are drinkers, teenagers are all mischievous trouble-makers and Americans are all fat. I have an English script to write and as i mentioned in an earlier post i am an extreme procrastinator and so to kill time I'm going to shoot down these stereotypes one at a time.

1. The Irish drinker thing. It has recently came to my attention that there is some statistic or other that says Irish people consume more alcohol that any other nation. this doesn't help my case at all. However it just isn't true. We don't all drink. That's sheer insane stupidity. I mean if every Irish person drank, then there would be no designated drivers to take the completely inebriated home. And I'm sure bartenders aren't allowed to be drunk on the job. You gotta think smart people.

2. The teenagers thing? Come on. I'm a teenager my self 2 months away from my 17th birthday. Soon I'll be driving (hopefully) and I'll be going to university (even more hopefullier). I have a hoodie and i wear it...wait for it.......IN PUBLIC :O i know right? scary. Gangly guys and girls wearing comfortable jumpers, which are just the coziest, around other human beings. The nerve. I bet you'd never see a six year old kid giving an old lady a dirty look or building a stereotype because they have grey hair or carry a handbag.
And each teenager has their own crippling issues ranging from

WHY DON'T PEOPLE LIKE ME

To

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY OH I'M SO HAPPY EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME CAUSE I'M ECSTATIC FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON. I'M SO HAPPY

I call these people the voracious high spirited annoyances. Oh my how they annoy me. My own sister is one. Always singing singing singing and watching frigging Disney channel which, i won't lie has maybe 2 good/ semi decent shows on it. Phineas and Ferb being the best.
Mmmm pénne. Dinner time= happy time. Any way where was i? Teenagers. Nasty creatures. Glad I'm not one. Ive often been described as a grouchy old man in the body of a strapping teenage boy. Moral of the story. All teenagers are evil and no matter what they say , if they are wearing a hoodie they are almost guaranteed to attack you either verbally or physically. Except for me. Because i am only a teenager because my mind is too mature for my body. And because when i wear a hoodie. I make it look good.

And Finally number 3 the All Americans are fat thing. The only reason this is thought is because McDonald's is widely available in the every state in America. The Americans have brought so many different, not to mention brilliant, things to the world. Now whilst i am sure they exist i am only 16 and while my behaviour may be matured, i cannot think of what they have created for us. Plus i am FAR too lazy to research this kind of thing for a blog. But rest assured that these AMERICAN creations exist
FIRST MAN ON THE MOON. HA that one just came to me. Well yeah Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were the first men on the moon. American men at that.
In the words of Toby Turner "This is the laziest blog series ever."
That may be true, i don't know I'm too lazy to find out.

The day the Internet Died

On the 29th of October 2010 the Internet went down. I found it almost distressing that i couldn't do anything that required Internet access such as facebook, YouTube, xbox live and of course accessing my blog. It revealed to me how much of an impact the Internet has made to my life. I am only 16 years old and i am only just younger than the Internet which became open to public use on the 6th of August 1991. In its 19 years of use it has embedded itself in the youth of the 21st century (and indeed in the 20th century babies such as myself) and now we cannot imagine life without it. I'm not sure whether i feel more advanced that we have a technology such as the Internet or look upon the human race with a sense of pity that we cannot survive without our mechanical toys. I shudder to imagine the effects of the forecasted solar flare in 2013 that is said to leave us without electricity for an unseen period of time. It could be an hour, a day, a week, a month, we just don't know.
It went down apparently all over Northern Ireland. As soon as I realised mine wasn't working, like a typical teenager, i texted my friend to complain. He told me his was down as well as of roughly an hour ago. I found this a bit coincidental. And so i started asking around. None of my friends had working Internet connections. i tried to figure out how far it had gone down but my friend in England had already left for his Halloween holiday in Donegal.

Obviously its working again but in the time it was down my curiosity wrought havoc in my head. I was coming up with theories as to why this had happened at lightning fast speed. I came up with cyber terrorists, aliens, natural occurrences such as electrical distortion in the air or an unforeseen solar flare.

Well that's all i have to say on the subject. And as this post has been unusually serious, please enjoy this picture of an elephant on a couch:


                       

If you look up "Procrastination" in the dictionary there's a picture of me

...Or there would be if you had a dictionary with pictures which sounds really stupid. Unless its a dictionary for kids. So they look up "cat" and there would be a picture of a cat. Although they'd have to omit certain words. I mean what if the kid looked up "where babies came from" (assume it has phrases in it for the sake of argument) and it had a picture of two people going at it.

Yaaaaay mental/emotional scarring.
Anyways back on the track point thing of this post. I can't sit still to do my fudging work. I have a history essay, business studies questions, economics essays (plural), debate team (no laughing) essay, school magazine article draft and English coursework to start/finish for Tuesday and what am i doing? Posting on a blog. To be honest doing the blog itself was a bad idea because i get distracted enough as it is. Seriously i get sidetracked by anything. ANYTHING. Bright colours, dull colours, moving objects, stationary objects, noises, silence and my own imagination. i am a slave to my imagination. I mean just now i tried to think of a time where i let my imagination run away with, me and i spent 10 minutes thinking of a gorilla on a child's tricycle. It was in a formula 1 race. Losing obviously but that's irrelevant.

My god i started my history essay 3 days ago (it was due 2 days ago) and Ive still only just got over a page.




Woops. Personally i blame society

Im a horror movie expert now....in your face my friends

I'm well known to be absolutely rubbish with horror films. My friends take great pleasure in pointing out the time we went to see The Crazies and at a particularly tense moment i jokingly said "I can't take this anymore" and ran to the toilet. Intended as a joke, that moment became the bane of my social existence. They won't let it go. Well look who's laughing now guys.  We went to see Paranormal Activity 2 which is completely crap I'm sure took a lot of effort on the part of many hard-working individuals and is just not to my taste. And they WET themselves whilst i sat there cool,calm and collected systematically taking the piss out of them. Chris, one of my mates, was curled up in a ball next to me and Dave (another mate) and i tortured him by shaking him at the tense moments.
Honestly i feel ecstatic, because one of their main reasons for going to horror films was to ridicule me about the fear on my face. This film nearly sent me to sleep. And when i wasn't trying to sleep i was laughing at the ridiculousness of the scenarios (Pool Cleaner of Disaster and the Disorganised Basement of No Return). I feel soooo superior right now.
Best Horror film experience EVER

What the bum?

I still don't get it. i mean why am i blogging. i never had any great desire to write one before. My aunt thought it would be a good idea for practicing my writing because i want to be a journalist. I know right? Shocking!! A blogger who wants to be a journalist, where have you seen that before. Only on almost every blog on the Internet. I'd like to say its going to be like mega-super-special-awesome and uniquely superior to anything you will have ever seen..ever. But its not going to be so you may as well save yourself the bother of reading my blog. Just kidding
Please don't leave me
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