E-readers are the future? *spit*

I have always been a big reader. Days could go by where I would not lift my head from a new book for anything other than tea breaks and meals. I prefer reading to any other activity I can do in my house. It trumps watching TV, it trumps playing the Xbox and it blows cleaning right out of the water.

I can spend hours in Waterstones, browsing the Horror, flicking through the Science Fiction, scoffing at the Dark Romance (Twilight wannabes, each and every one of them) and thumb through the Classics.

But now the livelihood of of all book stores has been threatened by the creation of... The E-READER's *spit*.

Now first of all I should say that I can actually see all the advantages to e-readers like the most popular Amazon Kindle. They're great for travelling. You're entire library in the palm of your hand at all times, it can hold around 50,000 books which is more than most people will ever own. It is perfect for people who have never been big readers before the invention of them and if they can't be persuaded to purchase and house all these physical books, I would urge them to buy an e-reader. In reality, the sale of e-books outweighs that of the sales of tangible books. 2 e-books are sold for every physical copy. Clearly the world sees e-readers as the future.

But now I've got the diplomatic crap out of the way, let me tell you what I really think.

E-readers are the stain of the literary world! They take away from the entire experience. You can't bury your head in a tablet computer e-book. You can't make a real decision on whether or not to buy a book. When I'm browsing I like to see the thickness, the size of the words, the space between the sentences judging how long it would take me to read it and whether it would be worth my time buying it and generally being the world's biggest nerd . Online you can't do this. All you get on an online book store or from and e-book retailer is the Total Page count,  the cover, a short synopsis of the book and a nice little picture of the author that nobody really cares about.

Now this may be enough for some, but not for die hard book-worms and certainly not for me! I mean you have to charge the bloody thing! Who wants to have to charge their books before they read them? Even then they only have a finite amount of time before they have to recharge them all over again, thus leading them into a deadly cycle starting with their new found addiction to reading and ending with more electricity being used, non-renewable sources of energy depleted much faster and generally the end of life on Earth as we know it.

Over the top? Well at least I didn't go into detail about how I adore the smell of books. Because even I know that would be a bit creepy and you could lose what little remainder of respect you ever had for me.

I'm Baaaaaack!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I HAVE RETURNED.

For those of you who do not know or care enough to read previous posts, I have been on study leave since ....some time in May. I forget exactly when. But that's the beauty of this blog. It doesn't matter what I write, how I write or, indeed if it makes any sense because it is naught but a tool to retain the final remnants of my pseudo-sanity....what a failure it has been.

With my exams over as of  3pm on the 20th of June (they went fine thanks for asking. You were always my favourite reader) I was free! And do you know what the first thing I saw whenever I began looking for blog material was?

Freddos are now 20p. Gone are the days when a man could get 5 pieces of chocolate that, when combined, are actually bigger than a Dairy Milk  for 50p. Gone is my childhood ladies and gentlemen. GONE. And with it comes a new found sense of responsibility and maturity that I had never expected to receive. I feel like I'm all grown up.....and just now I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to put a soundbite of somebody blowing raspberries to insinuate the falseness of that statement.



Now readers, I may be getting older at an alarming rate. So alarming is the rate of which i am getting older, I believe Time is angry with me and is trying to make me reach old age and die faster. But no matter how quickly Time tries to make me grow old, I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever infinity experience the tragedy that is maturity!

And to capitalise on this perpetual immaturity of mine I would like to point and laugh at someone who got something wrong.

You may or may not know but the world was supposed to end on the 21st of May this year. This was all according to, religious zealot, Harold Camping

Well doesn't he look like a little stoned paedophile? This man, or Homo Crazyus as his species is known, told the world that he had seen in the bible, the most scrutinised text in human history, that the world was going to end on the 21st of May. This was said in spite of a bible verse claiming that no man will be able to predict the end of the world.

Now, I am not what you would call a highly religious person. If I'm honest I think the whole thing is a little hard to believe but that's just me. But even if I was religious, I like to think my common sense would not be overridden. Camping then scammed people who truly believed the world was going to end out of a LOT of money. Honest, god-fearing people lost millions of dollars in total donating to charities because a stupid old man went on an ego trip. The only good things to come from Camping's actions are things like these:

Brilliant isn't it? It's on a t-shirt!

But I'll move on to the happier topics. Topics that make me grin and shake with excitement. Topics such as the OXEGEN MUSIC FESTIVAL!!!!

Now because I only returned from Oxegen recently and there isn't a lot I can say that is family friendly, I'll keep it short.
Some of us have headaches. Some of us have stomach pains. Some of us did shots of mouthwash. Some of us found ourselves waking up in place others will find hilarious until the end of time. But only one of us was handed a pipe to smoke dandelions...and actually did it.

This persons name? I'm sorry. I have to let Andrew Hillan retain some kind of anonymity. Otherwise it would just be cruel!

The highlight of the festival was easily the unbeatable, the amazing FOO FIGHTERS!!!!

Having seen Mr Dave Grohl live, I can now die with a smile on my face and Everlong playing in the background.
The low point? Trying to sleep with drug addicts in the tent beside mine. They didn't shut up, like, EVER. I woke up to hear one guy yelling at another guy for stealing his shoes. I woke up again to hear the same guy saying

You fawking eeeeejit

every five or six seconds. I have never been so close to committing murder in my life.

But now I have to try to rebuild my finances. But that means I have to get a job. And how I loathe to work. But it's a nescessary evil.
That is, if I want to have any fun over the summer. Yes I've got games to get, nights to be out on, books to pre-order and Subway Sandwiches to devour without any regard to my personal health.
Then there's also driving lessons. Ugh. I want to be a fully fledged driver by the end of the summer. Very do-able.

However I am a lazy SOB so actually getting started could be a problem.

Mehh. C'est la Vie!

Because a Friend Just Couldn't Wait

A friend of mine just simply couldn't wait until I got back from Oxegen (Oh dear god, I am so excited for this. My heart could just give out from the stress of how excited I am!!) to read this blog.

That's oddly flattering don't you agree?

So this is me coming out of hibernation...sort of....for a second....It's kind of like sleep blogging. It doesn't really count but I'm doing it anyway. It's kind of like punching someone right in the face when you are asleep.

Dude, you just smacked me in the face. What the Hell?
Oh I'm sorry. I was asleep, you totally can't blame me.

So even if this is terrible, you can't blame me. Blame Kricky

Although I had forgotten how much I enjoyed doing this. I wonder if I'll ever stop doing this...I hope not.


Anyway, Kricky, this is for you.

                                                              And I truly mean that!

The One I Post And Forget To Give A Title

Speechless. At a loss for words. A cat has my tongue...What the hell kind of phrase is that? Why a cat? I don't let a cat near my arms let alone my face.
My point is that my favourite show on TV has returned to our screens and I have been silenced with excitement.
That show is DOCTOR WHO!!

Featuring the Doctor and Amy travelling through time and space

Oh and Rory...

Rory is like the Ron Weasley in this equation with the Doctor and Amy being Harry and Hermione. Rory is often forgotten and thought to be the least effectual character. But in saying that he did spend 2000 years protecting his wife who had gotten trapped in a glorified box. We have to give him some credit.

As much as I'd like to spend my time talking about Doctor Who and how brilliant it is, I can't. Mainly because I am trying to force feed myself the contents of my AS Level courses. Not a fun sensation. Not easy either, especially as I have the attention span of a seven year old hopped up on E numbers.

I think, ladies and gentlemen, it is safe to say I am well and truly screwed.

I DETEST revision with every fibre of my being. Not just because it's boring, but because I'm not very good at it. Easily distracted. Two words that sum me up quite aptly and I think many would agree.

Currently I'm supposed to be revising my first history module for a repeat in about, oh...4 weeks?
I don't have a hope in hell. I'm just sort of stumbling along until the summer hits me and I can relax!

You may have to forgive me because I think I will be taking a break from this writing business until the exams are over. Don't worry. It's not just you I'm neglecting. I'm contemplating hiding my smart phone and taking my Granny's (yes my granny has a mobile, I'm still surprised) which is a very, VERY old Nokia.

As well as that, my computer will be going into hibernation for a number of weeks and I shall live at the library.

These next couple of weeks will be hell!

Get To The Point

Usually the way I write these is I think of a topic, however random, give it a title and let myself just type until I feel is suitable to be posted. Often that just turns out badly and I don't feel happy about the end result.

Today, as I was out last night and up early for a doctors appointment, I am quite tired and as such I do not have the energy to go through the taxing process of thinking of something to write about i.e. pick something that happened to me during the week then make it vague so as to hide anyone involved (most of the time) and then exaggerate it beyond recognition.

Example? What am I? A textbook? I'm too tired to think of one. Plus I'm busy devouring my Easter egg. Oh hey! There's my topic!

Easter Sunday is a time where I get to demonstrate my complete lack of strength. I tried to break the egg with my knuckles. The results were less than satisfactory. My knuckles hurt.

Thus with my strategic mindset I thought to myself

Fight fire with fire

Needless to say I am now homeless and the fire fighters didn't even sugar coat it when the blamed me. The words "never should have been born" were used. Apparently they didn't approve of my idea to crack open a propane canister to make fire to melt the egg open. Theoretically it was an excellent idea.

Well, at least, it was until the walls caught fire. They don't make houses like they used to. Or maybe I'm just getting smarter....yeah it's probably the house thing

These past couple of weeks have been a tad stressful and so it's always nice to see something that cheers you up. i saw this a few months ago and I meant to upload it but never remembered. It just makes me smile.

It's always good to see someone putting such happy, pleasant graffiti on the sides of things. Makes the world seem a little brighter. Of course they could have just been ridiculously idiotic and found it difficult to imagine themselves drawing anything else.

Then again I'm a bit of a cynic.

Privacy

Privacy is a funny thing. Some people get anxious when they don't have it. World leaders get anxious if other countries have it. Teenagers get angry when it is invaded and often go into, what my parents fondly call, a "strop" Of course my parents are bad people.

The other night we were at my friends house and his parents had invited round my parents to watch the McCloskey v Khan fight. Ridiculous result but that's not the point.

My parents, as parents do when they are around other adults, got excited and grasped every chance to take the piss out of me that came their way. They don't get out much so usually I would just let them have their way. But this time was different.

You see, also invited to watch the boxing was a teacher that my friend's dad was very friendly with. My parents decided that this was the time to divulge to basically anyone within earshot that I write a blog. This is the one invasion of privacy I will not allow.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking:

But James, you write every stray thought you have down into this blog. Doesn't that mean you don't want any privacy when it comes to the blog?

Good question random idiot.The answer is no, you are wrong. If this teacher found out the existence of this blog he may let it slip to other teachers who may let it slip to other teachers and eventually the wrong teacher will read it. That's not allowed to happen for another 10 years, whenever the world has become enslaved by crickets. They own our conscience, it's only a matter of time before their strength grows.

Of course I'm not just going to bitch about privacy like a whiny emo-teen. But in saying that, I don't have much more to talk about.

So Sweden's a funny place....

No That's not the direction this blog will go.

An electrician by the name of Colin Atkinson faces losing his job for refusing to take down his wee christian-y cross thingymabob from his van dashboard. Now this is just a BIT ridiculous. The cross is about 8 inches and the only reason the company he works for wants it taken down is so that people don't think the company is christian.

So what if they think you're christian? People aren't all super bigoted, most of them won't care. But this shows you the turn things have taken. A few hundred years ago, people were shunned, stoned to death even, if they were found to be anything other than christian. Karmic justice maybe?

But I can see why the company is worried about being associated with any one creed. There's an old saying I'm very fond of. A Person is smart. People are dumb. You can always count on the collective to ruin things for the individuals.

But let the guy have his cross. In a few hundred years I believe that every religion currently existing today will be replaced by he best seller list.
Your far off descendants could be putting a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt on the forehead on ash Wednesday. They could be wearing ridiculous glasses instead of those skull caps Jewish people wear.

It's going to be a weird place on Earth in 2000 years.

Hospitals Are Fun

Say what you will about Antrim or people from Antrim, the Antrim Area hospital is a wonderful hospital!

That sounded a lot less gay in my head, but now the word wonderful is sandwiched in my head between the words "simply" and "darling" to form the ultra-homosexual "simply wonderful darling"
One of these days I'll stick to the point of the story throughout the entire post. And on that day the world will end.

Back on track, recently I was at the hospital for a very minor surgery where I was able to flaunt my super-human ability to alleviate the awkwardness that arises between strangers. It could well be my only talent. Well that and doing the bunny twitch with my nose. More fun than it sounds, I swear

In preparation for the surgery I had to submit to #2 on my list of things entitled DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ALLOW YOURSELF TO DO THESE THINGS UNLESS A BEAR HAS GAINED A SICK SENSE OF HUMOUR AND TELLS YOU TO DO THEM OR HE WILL EAT YOUR FACE

#2 on this list was "Never willingly or knowingly go without food" and this rule is only topped by #1 which is "never willingly or knowingly go without or allow people to deprive you of sleep"
The fact that I was being anaesthetised and would therefore sleep for the majority of the day softened the blow.

Upon arriving, the doctor began to ask me a series of routine questions and when he had finished, he asked me which football team I supported. This left me in a bit of a bind. You see, I'm not exactly the sportiest person in the world. No, no it's true! I enjoy playing football but I really, REALLY suck at it. It's kind of funny how bad I am. And as for watching it on TV...well there's usually something better on. If not, there's always that little button labelled standby on the remote which saves me from watching it.

So I answered him with a team I haven't bothered supporting since I was about 12, Liverpool.

Rookie mistake.

For the rest of the day I had to pretend I gave a crap about professional, televised sports. And at the time, all I could think of was

Now, now, don't anger the doctor who makes sure you are unconscious while they cut you open.

Sound advice from the surprisingly small common sense section of my brain

And then they did this to me

BLEAGH. They put a tube inside a vein!!!

That is disgusting. Simply disgusting. Retchable and other non-real words. What made it worse was there was a student doctor there who, whenever Sports Doctor told us he was about to put in the IV, she said, with too much glee in her eyes for my liking:

Can I watch?

I couldn't contain myself. She sounded like one of my sisters. Can I watch? I'm about to have my veins violated so that I can be cut open with a big sharp scary knife, and you're asking the doctor if you can watch...she could have at least brought me some food!

But getting the IV pulled out is the worst!! I won't bore you with the details, but there's blood. Too much blood for me.

But after the surgery I wake up and the nurse comes over. She doesn't ask "How are you feeling", but rather she says "About time. Your mother's been on the phone and she was just telling us how long you sleep"

Oh yeah. I'm sure the drugs you pumped directly to my veins had nothing to do with it. Cheeky little bitc-

*cough*

Eventually, another doctor came over to see how I was doing. Now being the typical smart-ass that I am, I had to answer the questions in a somewhat humorous way. For example, a doctor with accented English came over and said

How are you feeling?

To which I had to reply

I'm not too bad, what about yourself?

That threw him a little. Hey, they cut me open; I get to have a little fun.

Of course maybe I was taking it too far whenever the doctor asked if I had any questions and I asked, without thinking of what I was saying:

How many times a day would you get the words "What's up doc?"

I thought it was hilarious! I still do in fact.

And that was the most exciting thing that happened to me this week. It's a little sad isn't it?

But it's all OK because the hospital gave me super-mega strength pain killers which I suspect could knock out an elephant, so that should keep me amused.