I'm Baaaaaack!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I HAVE RETURNED.

For those of you who do not know or care enough to read previous posts, I have been on study leave since ....some time in May. I forget exactly when. But that's the beauty of this blog. It doesn't matter what I write, how I write or, indeed if it makes any sense because it is naught but a tool to retain the final remnants of my pseudo-sanity....what a failure it has been.

With my exams over as of  3pm on the 20th of June (they went fine thanks for asking. You were always my favourite reader) I was free! And do you know what the first thing I saw whenever I began looking for blog material was?

Freddos are now 20p. Gone are the days when a man could get 5 pieces of chocolate that, when combined, are actually bigger than a Dairy Milk  for 50p. Gone is my childhood ladies and gentlemen. GONE. And with it comes a new found sense of responsibility and maturity that I had never expected to receive. I feel like I'm all grown up.....and just now I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to put a soundbite of somebody blowing raspberries to insinuate the falseness of that statement.



Now readers, I may be getting older at an alarming rate. So alarming is the rate of which i am getting older, I believe Time is angry with me and is trying to make me reach old age and die faster. But no matter how quickly Time tries to make me grow old, I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever infinity experience the tragedy that is maturity!

And to capitalise on this perpetual immaturity of mine I would like to point and laugh at someone who got something wrong.

You may or may not know but the world was supposed to end on the 21st of May this year. This was all according to, religious zealot, Harold Camping

Well doesn't he look like a little stoned paedophile? This man, or Homo Crazyus as his species is known, told the world that he had seen in the bible, the most scrutinised text in human history, that the world was going to end on the 21st of May. This was said in spite of a bible verse claiming that no man will be able to predict the end of the world.

Now, I am not what you would call a highly religious person. If I'm honest I think the whole thing is a little hard to believe but that's just me. But even if I was religious, I like to think my common sense would not be overridden. Camping then scammed people who truly believed the world was going to end out of a LOT of money. Honest, god-fearing people lost millions of dollars in total donating to charities because a stupid old man went on an ego trip. The only good things to come from Camping's actions are things like these:

Brilliant isn't it? It's on a t-shirt!

But I'll move on to the happier topics. Topics that make me grin and shake with excitement. Topics such as the OXEGEN MUSIC FESTIVAL!!!!

Now because I only returned from Oxegen recently and there isn't a lot I can say that is family friendly, I'll keep it short.
Some of us have headaches. Some of us have stomach pains. Some of us did shots of mouthwash. Some of us found ourselves waking up in place others will find hilarious until the end of time. But only one of us was handed a pipe to smoke dandelions...and actually did it.

This persons name? I'm sorry. I have to let Andrew Hillan retain some kind of anonymity. Otherwise it would just be cruel!

The highlight of the festival was easily the unbeatable, the amazing FOO FIGHTERS!!!!

Having seen Mr Dave Grohl live, I can now die with a smile on my face and Everlong playing in the background.
The low point? Trying to sleep with drug addicts in the tent beside mine. They didn't shut up, like, EVER. I woke up to hear one guy yelling at another guy for stealing his shoes. I woke up again to hear the same guy saying

You fawking eeeeejit

every five or six seconds. I have never been so close to committing murder in my life.

But now I have to try to rebuild my finances. But that means I have to get a job. And how I loathe to work. But it's a nescessary evil.
That is, if I want to have any fun over the summer. Yes I've got games to get, nights to be out on, books to pre-order and Subway Sandwiches to devour without any regard to my personal health.
Then there's also driving lessons. Ugh. I want to be a fully fledged driver by the end of the summer. Very do-able.

However I am a lazy SOB so actually getting started could be a problem.

Mehh. C'est la Vie!