James' Hundred Days

Day 1

I'm sick. My head hurts, my throat is making it difficult to eat, my nose is making it difficult to enjoy what I do eat and the mucus I'm coughing up has the collective surface area to create my own country. An amazing start to the countdown isn't it? Sure beats Napoleon's countdown I'll tell you that much.
Where his men were slaughtered and defeated at the end of his hundred days, I will have left to enter third level education. So you know, they have their differences and similarities...

Day 2

An egg fell off the counter top and before I could stop myself, I turned to my mother and said "Well, I guess the yolks on me". I'm homeless now. The next 98 days are going to be tough. The situation wasn't helped when I went to work later on and my middle aged, teeny manager threatened me with a shovel.

Day 6

The heat is unbearable. The walls of poundstretcher are closing in around me. I won't last much longer. The faces of my co-workers melt and distort into some sort of freakish living Picasso's. Hell is breaking loose from beneath the super affordable display bed frame, only £99.99. Buy now while stocks last.

Day 16

Today I applied for my first debit card. A big day for most 16 year olds. However being 19, my attitude toward money has already been set in stone. Online shopping remains an outlet I will only utilise with the help of amazon vouchers I earn doing surveys for a faceless corporation on my laptop lying on my bed in my underwear sobbing and wondering where my life is headed.

Day 27

After arriving in my friends house in Donegal, a group of my friends and I proceeded to drink until we saw Sol rise in the sky. This morning we were not so jubilant. We decided the beach would be an excellent place to recuperate. Too bad it was raining and freezing. Regardless, we proceeded to use Poseidon's palace to cure our hangover. As it turns out the ocean is an unforgiving mistress. Her chill robbed the breath from our lungs and her waves forceful enough that we sought to drown ourselves to end the pain.
Good times were had by all.

Day 33

While the ocean was indeed challenging, she was manageable, if only briefly. The ice offers no such mercies. Today I entered an ice rink. Truthfully at this point it was just to kill time, but a small part of me wished to convince those around me that i was a graceful swan and not the uncoordinated oaf they believed me to be. I hate that part of me and wish it would die. The words "like Bambi on ice" were passed around like a bong at a frat party as I stumbled and inadvertently twirled my way around the icy floor. Small children would pass me and laugh. A little girl who couldn't have been more than 4 slid into my path. Steering was a skill I hadn't yet developed and so, in an act of pure desperation, I dived to the floor on my side in an effort to dodge her. Picking myself up off the ground I noticed that she had drifted away and some part of me wondered was she ever really there?
This is the same part of me that thought ice skating would be a good idea. Of course she was there you idiot. I don't just randomly drop to the floor. God!

Day 50

I have passed the halfway point. I take solace in this fact yet in my heart I feel great anguish. I have come so far to reach my goal and yet I must cover this distance once more. Pray for me dear children. I feel I am not long for this world.

Day 62

As a wise man with various facial deformities once said "I've stood all I can stands and I can't stands no more!" I have handed in my notice of resignation to Poundstretcher. No more will I scrub dust older than myself from my hands. No more will I wipe so much sweat from my brow to my shirt that it saturates my clothing. No more will I endure the wild and rampant sexual harassment. I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT DAMN YOU! Freedom... I am free. I. AM. FREEEEEEEE!!!
....two weeks from now, but...you know...whatever.

Day 83

This unbearable wait has robbed me of who I am. I have become a husk of a man. I am dead inside. My journey has purged my emotions from my body. Food is bland. Having friends is an inconvenience. Television no longer excites me. The Sun no longer warms my body. I await the day with indifferent curiosity when I can leave this accursed place and experience joy, love, acceptance and the excitement of the new series of Doctor Who. Though I fear that such a day will never arrive.

Day 91

So close yet so far. The Darkness that has descended upon me will soon lift, and I will feel the return of my humanity. Though my pragmatism tells me I have not the financial security to survive the year. This darkness may yet latch onto my destitute life and never release me. I will be, suffice to say, an interesting year...

Day 100

Arriving in Scotland I find that it is ridiculously similar to Ireland. And apparently they love the Norn Iron accent...I know! I don't get it either.
The majority of the students here have softer Scottish accents than I was expecting and yet every so often I find my face slacken and look blankly at a person talking and think to myself "Laugh, nod, wince? What the fuck do I say"

In the end I usually choose honesty and proclaim "Uh huh, uh huh I don't know what you just said"
The only other Northern Irish person on my floor is a girl called Nina from belfast and she and I began chatting. Suddenly we realised the other conversations had died off and every one was watching us. One girl, who's name escapes me looked at as with a strange mixture of fear and admiration saying that we spoke at the speed of light and she couldn't understand what we were saying.

So speed talking isn't just something my family does. Interesting...