It's that time of the year again

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow

Just kidding. If the snow was a person I would punch it for being so cold. Although, if it was a person I'm sure I could reason with it. Of course if it were a person and I could reason with it, I would ask it a series of questions. I would find the cosmological stance on Pirates vs Ninjas (Ninjas FTW). I would ask it if it got bored sometimes and is that why it decides to snow in march and keep a comedian I wanted to go see in a different country so I have to wait a year to go see him. Then I would punch the snow. Then I would ask does it feel pressured by the songs written about it eg Let it snow, Winter wonderland and finally whether it likes having Jon Snow have the same name as it. I mean that would link the snow with the whole Poppy argument.

For those of you who don't know, Jon Snow is a News presenter for channel 4 and when it comes around to the time where all the people on the primary terrestrial TV channels (BBC, ITV, Channel 4, FIVE) all wear Poppies in commemoration of the Soldiers killed in action, initially in the First World War but now it goes for all the soldiers killed in all wars. Anyway, Jon Snow refuses to wear these Poppies. This may sound pretty negative of him but he is preserving his right to not wear it. Many of the High-Ups on those channels tell their employees to wear the Poppies but Jon Snow refuses to let them force him. In that respect he's right. He shouldn't be forced to wear them. However I don't see any reason not to wear them. They aren't hurting anyone and I like the idea of all the people who risked their lives for a caused they believed in with everything they had. So I respect Jon Snow for not bowing to conformity. But I don't agree with him.

Anyway back to the initial point of this post. It was about my dislike of snow and what I would do if it were a person. Of course if it were a person it wouldn't be snow and we wouldn't be having this discussion. We would probably be talking about.....cheese...or how much I want a cup of tea right now

*rushes off to make a cup of tea*
...
.....
.......
.........
aaaaaaAAAAnd im back.
Friggen snow. Forcing me to wear two pairs of socks everyday. Do you have any idea how badly I am entering a sock shortage. It's awful! Everything gets wet and the roads are dangerous. Hell the school is dangerous. Projectiles of icy white death flying through the air at speeds I don't care to estimate, people falling down, koala bears mugging pensioners. Snow is evil.

However there are some fun things that come from snow. Michael Goldring, Jordan Duffy, Ben Johnston and Padraig Conlon had stayed after school to do work. And after a bit we just went outside to the hill where they had stashed Caution Wet Floor signs in the trees and they started sliding down the hill on them. I caught a lot of it on video.

And so something I enjoyed came out of snow. Of course a wee day off school because of the snow  wouldn't go unenjoyed. I went down that hill one time and I wound up soaked with a wedgie....

They say you gotta love the snow.

Do you?

Do you really?

Post before post before last...Part 2?

Here it is. It's late and shit but its here and I'm done with it

OK so i suppose i should amend that last post' ending. I don't hate kids. Well that is to say, i don't hate all kids. Just those ones that make me want to gouge out their eyes. Like this one kid in the play. We'll call him Ricky Gervais because, well, he looks like Ricky Gervais. Except fatter...and more annoying...and obnoxious...and- well i could go on. But for times sake i won't. For now at least. 
Douchebag's only in 3rd year and he thinks he's the man. Arrogant beyond what i thought the human mind could achieve. There's a song we have about a friend of mine, Ryan McFadden, that goes:

The Hooch, The Hooch, The Hooch is on Fire!

We call him the Hooch because, as those of you who have watched Scrubs will know, Hooch is crazy. Ricky- ah to hell with it- Luke O'Rawe constantly sang that over and over again. He killed it. I yelled at him, he acted the hard lad which was about as convincing as an elephant in a dog suit. And he did this thing where he would walk up to people and think he was immediately part of their conversation. Idiot.

Anyway, I promised some people in the real world that i would do a happy/positive take on the events of weeks past. So here we go. Don't blame me if it isn't so much positive as neutral. I'm sleepy and, as I've said before, if I'm sleepy i am not happy.

So even though it was a while ago there are still a few things that stick out in my mind about rehearsals last week. We stayed in from 9 till 9 and we ordered pizza from domino's (The joys of having a friend who works there with a 50% discount) and whilst i was eating Padraig Conlon pointed out to me that, after two slices had been eaten, i was now devouring a pizza tribute to pacman
PHOTO TIME!!!

It looks like he's crying pineapple. Rest assured no pacmen were injured in the consumption of that meal...but I'm sure they would be delicious. Tastier than i thought a video game character would be. I wonder how Donkey Kong tastes

Moving on from eating illegal/fictitious meat. Although still in the line of fictitious animals, we discovered the Awkward Animal Kingdom. Okay, so, i say "discovered" but in reality i mean " made animal shapes and claimed they alleviated awkwardness. Which is ridiculous. You ever tried standing in a room with a moose and making a joke about its nose or antlers? Awkwaaaaard.
Most of you will have encountered Awkward Turtle and maybe Awkward Squid. But we came up with Awkward Giraffe, Awkward Moose and my personal favourite (even though it isn't an animal) Awkward Rock. Turns out there's a group for awkward rock on Facebook. Obviously i joined....not much more to that story is there.

Mr Laverty, one of the teachers who organised the play, made -wait for it...



... a Your Ma joke!!! Weirdest experience in the world, I'll tell you that much.
Nothing could trump a teacher making a mother joke, right? Right? WRONG. We've been practising for the play in the braid arts centre and there's a little cafe there that we spend our lunch time at. You often see typo's on some shops merchandise, maybe the slipped finger hitting the key next to the intended on their good old QWERTY. But i bet you haven't seen this slip before:
Photo Time 2: Revenge of the pixels



 Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, The Steamed MILF.
I shit you not, that was real. And printed/laminated for the world (well okay the town) to see. Credit goes to Michael Goldring for noticing this first and pointing it out to me.

What i wonder is....how? I mean in this description of a Cafe Mocha how did they manage to hit "F" instead of "K". Okay so i suppose they look a little similar but they are one like opposite ends of the keyboard. I'm going to have to label that one. But is it a Typing fail or a Win? Only you decide...I'm just kidding. You have no say in the matter. TYPING FAIL!!

I'm stalling for time :D

OK so it's been pointed out to me that it's been a while since i posted something. Especially since the last post was a friggen interlude that literally meant nothing. I came up with that in thirty seconds. It was a fun bitta word play i won't deny it. Anyways, as a way of showing that, yes i am still alive, no i haven't given up on the blog and no my time is not being taken up due to my finding psychiatric help which i most certainly do not need. The voices tell me i don't and they are ALWAYS right. I'm serious. They told me the entire plot to Avatar before i saw it...Then again that could have been Pocahontas, seeing as they basically have the same plot. Only difference was Pocahontas was animated and sang a lot. I think there was a raccoon as well.

I think what's taking me so long is that I'm working off a list of things I've taken over the past 2 weeks whereas this post was down in the breaks between watching Misfits on channel four's YouTube channel. Brilliant show by the way. Although incredibly Not Safe For Kids.

Oh and there has been one person who begged me to put them in a post even though they were already going to be in one briefly coming up. So here's your mention

CATHERINE O'CALLAGHAN!!!!!!!
Happy?

Anyway. I'll try my best to get it done within the next week. But with all the work I've missed, it could be longer. I'll keep you posted

-James, out...Dear God that was gay

Interlude...of sorts.

I always expect the unexpected.
of course then the unexpected becomes the expected and therefore i do not expect it because it is the expected.
However the expected, by name, is expected and therefore i expect it. This, i conclude makes the expected simultaneously unexpected
Remember what i said about saying a word so many times it doesn't sound right anymore?

PRIME EXAMPLE

Since i started this blog, crazier shit has happened Part 1

Phew it has been an insanely busy week. I say insanely busy but i mean I've sat in a hall for most of it "rehearsing" and trying to catch up on work I've missed. And children there is a lot to catch up on. Blog related things not school work. Why would i want to talk about schoolwork on my blog. This is a happy place of....happiness and...joy? Anyways. I think I'll start off with the play. Namely, the woman running the play. My god. That woman must think she is a dictator and we are her teensy weensy country. Every persons schedule must revolve around her.

What's that? Can't stay in? Nonsense. What do you mean you contracted a disease that dissolves your innards? I have a show to direct! The school can facilitate an IV drip and we will just have to wake you when you must dance. In fact, how long have you until you die? A week? Splendid. The show will be over by then.

That got a bit carried away but she makes me so mad! I tried to tell her today that i was going to go to class instead of rehearsals and she asked me was i coming back later. I said no, there was an argument, i yelled, she lowered her voice in a way she thought was threatening (which it isn't, it just frustrated me) and then she reported me to my year head. Ahh sweet Justice.

But I'll get back to the play in a minute. As i said, this has been a crazy week and i have manys of manys to say (screw you grammar)

Let's start Monday. As some of you know (i say some i mean two or three...tops) i was involved in my school's debating society and my ...match? was on Monday. We were against this school called Inst (couldn't tell you the full name) in Belfast. They train for this from, like, first year and i wasn't even aware we had a debating team until about a month and a half ago so needless to say, we were trounced. Lol. that word. Hmm. Should i say "Lol" in a blog? it seems out of place. That settles it. In my domain there shall be no text slang. However if there are missing capital letters, assume i did that on purpose.

But i digress. They beat us 80 points to 66 (don't even ask me how you score points in a debate, because i don't have a clue. I assume it is either like an English paper or for every time you make the examiner think of a dinosaur munching on a toaster, you gain 20 points.) which is quite a large gap. I mean the other half of my team beat their Dungannon counter-parts by 2 points and we wee told  that was a big gap.....failure is abundant as you can see. My other team scored 61 to their 59. So clearly not only were we better, but our opponents were monumentally harder so that makes everything OK...right?

But these guys at Inst, they were the most ridiculous people ever. Their first speaker was the single most pompous dude in the entirety of human civilisation. And he kept referring to me and my team mate Eoin O'Neill "esteemed opposition" or "honourable opposition"

Dude you don't even know me. There is nothing esteemed about me. For all you know, I eat babies with a side of puppies, how's that for esteemed? And what's more i could totally tell he was putting on all the fancy elongated language. Want to know how? The dumb-ass had atrocious grammar and he was using all those fancy words in the wrong places. For one thing he said

The big society is just one of a myriad of excuses

Now this may be because I'm a bit (a bit? a lot) of a nerd. Especially when it comes to grammar, spelling, books or general life. Anyways he used myriad wrong....fun story right?

Anyways whilst we were in Belfast, I saw some pretty strange people. The first one i saw was a man walking down the street in a full on suit. Maybe he was a business man, maybe he was going to a wedding, maybe he just liked to wear suits. Not much strange about that right? WRONG. He had a Mohawk!! A full on, foot long, solid MOHAWK. Took every shred of self control I had to hold in the laughter until he passed us. I had to rely on my other team mate Mary Laverty to get me across the road because i was laughing so hard I couldn't walk. Almost immediately after, there was a ginger woman who walked pass us. She had, like a bajillion piercings in her face and weird hair. Not Mohawk weird of course but still. I mean really her hair was grey with like a streak of bright bright orange.

Skip ahead to the ridiculous regime of Mrs can't say her name because some one might actually tell her about this blog and she might read it even though my code isn't exactly unbreakable but we'll call it plausible deniability. Bit of a mouthful don't ya think? (Don't say that's what she said, don't say that's what she said, don't say that's what she said. Goddammit. I said it out loud) Let's abbreviate shall we? So Mrs CSHNBSOMATHATBASMRIETMCIEUBWCIPD and her insane regime.

Throughout the week we had to stay in for rehearsals from 9 in the morning until 9 in the evening. I know! Ridiculous. Anyway most of the weird shit happens during play hours. I think it's mainly because we get so tired we become delirious and we do the weirdest of things. Anyways the only play thing that didn't come from delirium was a scene in the play that i am in. I have 1 line. 7 words really. It's integral to the plot of the show i swear. Anyways it is easily my favourite scene, not only because i speak in it, but because a few friends of mine come in playing russian soldiers. Then my friends procede to beat me up. Wonderful friends i have. To be fair only one of them beat me up. Ryan mcFadden tries to find out if pillows feel pain, John Cassidy beats up one guy, i think. And finally my attacker Michael O'Mullan. He takes out the guy sitting next to me first (in slow mo, no less) and then knocks me over a chair. It takes a lot of skill to fall in slow motion I'll tell you that. Then the stupid-ass annoying juniors from behind me step over my body and try to take on Michael. My three minions are taken out pretty quickly. Then they have to lie down next to me. It's awful. They are literally more annoying than Jedward and Gok Wan combined. Fun scene though. Even though one of the bastards kicked me in the face when he was running around in the strobe light being an idiot. I hate children

Sorry steven + a little update

Would like to issue a formal apology to Steven mc Toal  as i grossly misspelled his name. I sincerely hope I've spelled it right now or this would be pretty embarrassing.

Real quick now guys, i WILL be posting a big post again soon. But probably not until the weekend because this ridiculous play has me worn thin. Rehearsals from nine in the morning until night in the evening. That is a joke. Moreover, the teacher running it is a psychopath. One more time, SHE IS A PSYCHOPATH.

The upcoming post will feature my recent excursion to Belfast for the debate competition, antics at the play and anything else interesting, weird or hilarious that comes to me.

I've been James Fitzsimons and I've been working on my Outro ideas. (I won't use it this time because i like this one for now)


*UPDATE 18/11/10* I have been informed that i misspelled Stephens name in the apology post. Sorry man. so here we go. 3rd times to charm Stephen mc Toal. Boy would my face be red if that's wrong again.

Sleepy time is happy time. Much like dinner time is also happy time

Any one of you who knows me well enough will understand that i am not a serious guy in any sense of the word. I am also not mature even though i have several arguments regularly about this with a friend. But that's only because she calls an umbrella an "umbradoodle"
Tell me that I'm less mature than her now.

Anyway, the fact that i am not good at staying up late became know to the world outside my family during the summer of '09, during a school trip to France. Best craic i had ever had. Still up there in the top five. The hotel we were staying in could fit 5 to a room which was perfect because there was myself, Michael Goldring, Ryan Kennedy, Christopher Logan and Emmett Neeson who are all close friends of mine. In the room there was the main room there was a double bed and a single bed occupied by Ryan, Chris and Michael. Ryan and Chris shared the double. I won't go into details but things happened between them and the cleaners had to bring the bleach and burn the sheets.

Then, in the same room, there was a conjoining room, much smaller than the main sleeping area, which held bunk beds. Emmett and I slept in those. He got top bunk. The idiot called it too fast for me to realise.
And so the first night in a foreign country with my friends began and, for a few hours in the night, it was fun. We messed about, watched TV (mostly in French but we found Family Guy in English) and watched as Ryan the inhibition-less terror chucked the teabags and the milk cartons out the window...Prat. They didn't replace them *Sad Face*

Anyway around midnight i went to bed because we had to be up around 8 for breakfast. Midnight was too late as it was if you ask me. But you guys know me (or not as the case may be) always the party animal. The other 3 were up for another 4 hours! 4 hours! That's just ridiculous. And they were loud!! And I'm a light sleeper. I won't go into detail but it took extraordinary self-restraint not to punch one of them right in the face. And I'm told it was the only time they have ever been scared of me...let that be a lesson to them.

Anyway the point of this is all to with my sister,Orla returning from Glasgow for the weekend. Now she has her moments where she doesn't do something idiotically annoying, few and far between as they are. She went out last night with my other older sister,Eimhear.
Orla somehow, inexplicably as of yet, lost Eimhear and so she thought she would text me at a quarter to four in the morning asking me to get up and check was Eimhear in the house with me. So dutifully, I checked her room and texted back no. She texted me again asking was she downstairs. This was I promptly ignored. The she rang me....God I hate her. She rang me asking me to come downstairs and open the door for her because somebody had put on the big lock. Only semi-concsious I opened it, glared at her and went back to bed before i said something mean and or refused her entry into the house.

And she wonders why i don't act more excited when she comes home.