Do I Have To??

That is what I have been asking my peers who demand me to post something new. But I am ashamed to say I have almost lost interest in blogging. Well at least the responsibility I put upon myself of posting every week. Its exhausting! Really I just couldn't be bothered anymore! School will be keeping me busy anyways!

But then again I'm only human. Many people over the world find a new passion every week and then become complacent. This all started because I wanted to be a journalist. Work experience soon put an end to that.

I'm now thinking towards publishing but that's irrelevant. I started this blog because my dad and my aunt suggested it as it would make me look like I was really interested in journalism. But now that I don't want to be a journalist does that mean I don't want to blog anymore?

In a word: No. It doesn't mean that. I mean I always enjoyed it. But after a while I was only doing it because I had set myself this schedule.

And when I rule the world, as you all have realised is an inevitability, there will be no schedule. This is particularly ingenious because any opposing parties will not be able to schedule rallies or protests at my dictatorial actions and I will forever remain in power!

The news is always depressing and boring, so I have decided that the most exciting way I can utilise what little talent in writing is through becoming a fiction author of novels for people my own age. I'm fairly good at making up bullshit. And this is just extended bull shit. How hard could that be?

I already have a few ideas. But I won't share them with you because, let's face it, they probably aren't any good!
I mean 80% of people believe they could write a book but only a minuscule amount of people have one published.

But still. A guy can dream can't he? Plus being an author would be the perfect lifestyle! Getting paid to write down my bullshit, not having to get up early in the morning EVER and nobody could tell me off for it!

So this is my last year at school. Honestly I thought it would never come. Schools been such a large chunk of my life for 14 years, I just assumed subconsciously that it would always be a part of it. But don't fret! For this is the year of the 18ths!

The year of the 18th is exactly what it sounds like. It's the year when everyone in my year turns 18.

What? You didn't figure that out?

Anyway. My birthday, along with three other people who are turning 18 at the same time, falls in the middle of the exams. I know right? Such cruel irony. I hate exams so the universe bitch slaps me with them. Thanks universe. Real decent of you.

It's not all bad though. The school formals coming up on Friday which is an excellent chance to see various teachers inebriated. More than that its going to be hilarious to see who will be drunk in front of the teachers. I've been taking bets and we all have our favourites to win...or lose depending on how you look at it.

No! Being drunk in front of teachers is losing. A brilliantly funny loss. But a loss all the same.

Remember kids, alcohol is bad for you. That is until the second you turn 18 where you liver apparently grows a super strong tolerance for alcohol. But if you're 17 and 364 days old it will kill you. No joke. I've seen it

The guy had a drink to celebrate turning 18 at midnight but his watch was running fast. He took a sip of beer and went into a coma. He was medically dead for the final 47 seconds before he turned 18. Then, when it was really his birthday, he sat up. His body levitated from the ground and glowed bright white. The alcohol was purged from his body and all was well.

OK so maybe now he's incontinent but hey, who ends a story saying the subject can no longer control their bowels?

That'd just be weird....

Jordan Duffy

Friday morning at 3am. This is time that one boy was brutally attacked in Antrim by 3 inbred, degenerates running on third generation sectarianism they learned from their six toed, cross eyed, idiotic family.

This boy has now been put in the hospital and was in critical condition however he has since stabilised and regained consciousness. His name is Jordan Duffy

I might have mentioned Duffy here before. He's a good friend of mine. And so you can understand when I say that this isn't exactly the easiest thing to write about. It's hard in part because there was no reason behind the attack other than he and his friends had just come from a club that is considered to be Catholic. Duffy did not and has never done anything to deserve this.

Duffy is one of these people that I hate for the simple reason that HE IS GOOD AT EVERYTHING. Not joking. And if he reads this his head is going to swell right up but Duffy has the ability to beat you at anything he wants.
Give him enough time and he will kick your ass at anything and everything.

From golf to ping pong to football to Gaelic to hurling. And those are just sports. Board games and card games too. Although he wasn't ever able to beat me at Spit. It's a card game that I rock at. Just saying.

He's good with people, he's a good liar and he's smart. So put all these factors together and you will see that he is that last person you would expect this sort of treatment towards.

He's in the Royal Victoria Hospital at the minute. He woke up on Friday evening with little or no memory of what had happened to him. But I'm fairly sure he pieced together that he had been beaten up. He's making a fast recovery but he's a long way from being back to normal.

As far as I know, two of the men responsible are due to appear in court and the third is "Helping the police" a lot. That doesn't even close to make up for what they did and it never will.

But never fear friends and family of Jordan Duffy because he is one of the most stubborn people I know and before you know it he will be up and beating us at something or other in no time!

Although for now just keep him in your thoughts and if there is anything you can do to help don't be afraid to offer.

Nerds ARE Cool

Nerds are given such bad press.

Even the word "Nerd" is used in such a negative context.

Well ladies and gentlemen, this may shock you but...I am a Nerd! *pause for gasp*

Although I prefer the word eccentric. I mean people attribute the word Nerd to anyone who enjoys gaming or genres such as science fiction and fantasy when it comes to their reading material or television preferences.

They make the best books!

I mean have you ever tried reading a non-fiction book like a biography, auto or otherwise? They are INCREDIBLY dull. I mean every football mad ten year old will have picked up something like David Beckham's autobiography which I can only assume is written to the standard I would imagine a primary school teacher would find in homework's collected from their students. But they are still the most boring thing ever to be classified as literary.

This has been brought into my head by one woman helping her daughter pick a pair of glasses to wear. Every time the daughter lifted one all I could hear from her clearly exceedingly mature mother was

Nerd...

Nothing to say what was so nerdy about them. Just "Nerd".

Nerds are usually the ones that don't fall into the typical social norms. Although not through a conscious decision to do so. People that go out of way to avoid being part of social norms are known as Hipsters or scene-sters or collectively as "dickheads". And that's not coming from me.

Really I just wanted to show this to people because I find it frigging hilarious!

But back to my main point, nerds can be fun as well! I mean I'm fun...right??

Don't answer that!

A nerd on a night out can be a lot of fun. Even if it is at his or her own expense.

It was two of my friends 18th birthdays recently and they decided to have a joint party which was great fun!

However, to my utter and eternal shame, I attempted to dance... It was horrifying.

Never shall I live down such shame. Already I have received so much abuse that the life of a hermit has began to sound appealing.

Although in my defence...it was fun at the time! Now nobody stopped me because they thought it was hilarious, which, if I was in their position, I would agree with them.

But I wasn't in their position. I was in my position. The funky, uncoordinated move busting position than has put a black mark on my otherwise sterling reputation.

But then again what's a good night out without any kind of embarrassment? Boring, that's what it is.

And so to Aideen Brogan  and Caoimhe Mc Manus I hope you enjoyed your 18th party.

I mean you obviously did seeing as I was there...

If You Are Reading This, I Am Already Dead

This was originally going to be a post on funerals and organ donation. But about 200 words in I had an epiphany.

Jesus Christ it was boring as hell. Not to mention morbid. I mean who wants to actually read about their organs and donatables being taken from them after they had died.

Not one of my best, I have to say. But now it's left me with a slight conundrum.

What do I write about now? Do I randomly talk complete and utter bullshit? Because both you and I know I could do that. I could do that until Doomsday. But when I do that, I'm just embarrassed by the outcome. It's usually just ridiculous with no point or basis in fact.

I have to do my 3 weeks of work for the year because I am very very broke. Its quite bad. Although after this I won't have to work for quite a while. Then I can just relax.

The only thing I can think of to talk about is the end of the Harry Potter era. The final film came out on the 15th of July and, even though I'm not a huge fan of it, I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. It was on a night out and around 10 of us decided, on a whim, to go see it. The film was good. Not as good as the first half but still. It was fun to go see it with that many people.

Over all the only problems I had with it were the fact that Crabbe, one of Draco Malfoy's infamous previously Caucasian henchmen friends, suddenly became a black guy with no lines. Seemed a bit stupid and pointless but I'm sure there was some reasoning behind it.

Then there was Voldemort. The nose-less, screaming wonder. Don't get me wrong, he was great and even though he screamed seven or eight times in the same way in the trailer, it didn't actually make it to the film.

Other than that I'm just fairly bored! I'm already halfway through the summer, A-Level results come out on the 17th or 18th or something which is fairly daunting.

Oh well. If they're anyway decent I might get to go out for dinner!

E-readers are the future? *spit*

I have always been a big reader. Days could go by where I would not lift my head from a new book for anything other than tea breaks and meals. I prefer reading to any other activity I can do in my house. It trumps watching TV, it trumps playing the Xbox and it blows cleaning right out of the water.

I can spend hours in Waterstones, browsing the Horror, flicking through the Science Fiction, scoffing at the Dark Romance (Twilight wannabes, each and every one of them) and thumb through the Classics.

But now the livelihood of of all book stores has been threatened by the creation of... The E-READER's *spit*.

Now first of all I should say that I can actually see all the advantages to e-readers like the most popular Amazon Kindle. They're great for travelling. You're entire library in the palm of your hand at all times, it can hold around 50,000 books which is more than most people will ever own. It is perfect for people who have never been big readers before the invention of them and if they can't be persuaded to purchase and house all these physical books, I would urge them to buy an e-reader. In reality, the sale of e-books outweighs that of the sales of tangible books. 2 e-books are sold for every physical copy. Clearly the world sees e-readers as the future.

But now I've got the diplomatic crap out of the way, let me tell you what I really think.

E-readers are the stain of the literary world! They take away from the entire experience. You can't bury your head in a tablet computer e-book. You can't make a real decision on whether or not to buy a book. When I'm browsing I like to see the thickness, the size of the words, the space between the sentences judging how long it would take me to read it and whether it would be worth my time buying it and generally being the world's biggest nerd . Online you can't do this. All you get on an online book store or from and e-book retailer is the Total Page count,  the cover, a short synopsis of the book and a nice little picture of the author that nobody really cares about.

Now this may be enough for some, but not for die hard book-worms and certainly not for me! I mean you have to charge the bloody thing! Who wants to have to charge their books before they read them? Even then they only have a finite amount of time before they have to recharge them all over again, thus leading them into a deadly cycle starting with their new found addiction to reading and ending with more electricity being used, non-renewable sources of energy depleted much faster and generally the end of life on Earth as we know it.

Over the top? Well at least I didn't go into detail about how I adore the smell of books. Because even I know that would be a bit creepy and you could lose what little remainder of respect you ever had for me.

I'm Baaaaaack!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I HAVE RETURNED.

For those of you who do not know or care enough to read previous posts, I have been on study leave since ....some time in May. I forget exactly when. But that's the beauty of this blog. It doesn't matter what I write, how I write or, indeed if it makes any sense because it is naught but a tool to retain the final remnants of my pseudo-sanity....what a failure it has been.

With my exams over as of  3pm on the 20th of June (they went fine thanks for asking. You were always my favourite reader) I was free! And do you know what the first thing I saw whenever I began looking for blog material was?

Freddos are now 20p. Gone are the days when a man could get 5 pieces of chocolate that, when combined, are actually bigger than a Dairy Milk  for 50p. Gone is my childhood ladies and gentlemen. GONE. And with it comes a new found sense of responsibility and maturity that I had never expected to receive. I feel like I'm all grown up.....and just now I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to put a soundbite of somebody blowing raspberries to insinuate the falseness of that statement.



Now readers, I may be getting older at an alarming rate. So alarming is the rate of which i am getting older, I believe Time is angry with me and is trying to make me reach old age and die faster. But no matter how quickly Time tries to make me grow old, I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever infinity experience the tragedy that is maturity!

And to capitalise on this perpetual immaturity of mine I would like to point and laugh at someone who got something wrong.

You may or may not know but the world was supposed to end on the 21st of May this year. This was all according to, religious zealot, Harold Camping

Well doesn't he look like a little stoned paedophile? This man, or Homo Crazyus as his species is known, told the world that he had seen in the bible, the most scrutinised text in human history, that the world was going to end on the 21st of May. This was said in spite of a bible verse claiming that no man will be able to predict the end of the world.

Now, I am not what you would call a highly religious person. If I'm honest I think the whole thing is a little hard to believe but that's just me. But even if I was religious, I like to think my common sense would not be overridden. Camping then scammed people who truly believed the world was going to end out of a LOT of money. Honest, god-fearing people lost millions of dollars in total donating to charities because a stupid old man went on an ego trip. The only good things to come from Camping's actions are things like these:

Brilliant isn't it? It's on a t-shirt!

But I'll move on to the happier topics. Topics that make me grin and shake with excitement. Topics such as the OXEGEN MUSIC FESTIVAL!!!!

Now because I only returned from Oxegen recently and there isn't a lot I can say that is family friendly, I'll keep it short.
Some of us have headaches. Some of us have stomach pains. Some of us did shots of mouthwash. Some of us found ourselves waking up in place others will find hilarious until the end of time. But only one of us was handed a pipe to smoke dandelions...and actually did it.

This persons name? I'm sorry. I have to let Andrew Hillan retain some kind of anonymity. Otherwise it would just be cruel!

The highlight of the festival was easily the unbeatable, the amazing FOO FIGHTERS!!!!

Having seen Mr Dave Grohl live, I can now die with a smile on my face and Everlong playing in the background.
The low point? Trying to sleep with drug addicts in the tent beside mine. They didn't shut up, like, EVER. I woke up to hear one guy yelling at another guy for stealing his shoes. I woke up again to hear the same guy saying

You fawking eeeeejit

every five or six seconds. I have never been so close to committing murder in my life.

But now I have to try to rebuild my finances. But that means I have to get a job. And how I loathe to work. But it's a nescessary evil.
That is, if I want to have any fun over the summer. Yes I've got games to get, nights to be out on, books to pre-order and Subway Sandwiches to devour without any regard to my personal health.
Then there's also driving lessons. Ugh. I want to be a fully fledged driver by the end of the summer. Very do-able.

However I am a lazy SOB so actually getting started could be a problem.

Mehh. C'est la Vie!

Because a Friend Just Couldn't Wait

A friend of mine just simply couldn't wait until I got back from Oxegen (Oh dear god, I am so excited for this. My heart could just give out from the stress of how excited I am!!) to read this blog.

That's oddly flattering don't you agree?

So this is me coming out of hibernation...sort of....for a second....It's kind of like sleep blogging. It doesn't really count but I'm doing it anyway. It's kind of like punching someone right in the face when you are asleep.

Dude, you just smacked me in the face. What the Hell?
Oh I'm sorry. I was asleep, you totally can't blame me.

So even if this is terrible, you can't blame me. Blame Kricky

Although I had forgotten how much I enjoyed doing this. I wonder if I'll ever stop doing this...I hope not.


Anyway, Kricky, this is for you.

                                                              And I truly mean that!